Day To Day

I am 25. I recently lost my job that I loved. I almost lost my boyfriend when I cheated on him. My parents help me with what they can but they look down at me. My siblings feel like I am getting treated better then them because I have mental issues. I sit at home all day because I don't have gas to go anywhere and I have no friends to visit. I spend at least an hour a day in the shower crying. I am not sure how much more being a failure I can take. I have to act like I am not bothered by it. When I see my family at parties I say it is going well and put on a smile so they don't know that I am hurting so much. I can't let them know that everything they do for me is nothing in my eyes. Nothing is getting better. I am angry and hurt. I hate who I have become. When my boyfriend goes to work I turn up the speaker on my computer and I just let the music blare to the point I can't hear my thoughts. Sometimes I feel like people could walk through me. That is how hollow I feel. My boyfriend can't even make me truly happy right now. He tries but I feel like my head is going to explode so I hide in the bedroom acting like I am fine. I am not sure how much longer I can fake happy. I need something but I don't know what.
Zoeyredbird Zoeyredbird
26-30, F
1 Response May 10, 2012

Wow that sounds terrible, im trying to get out of a rough spot right now. I found setting tiny goals for me to achieve daily really helped me pull thru and also keeping a log book of what was hurting me and wiritng down the solution.<br />
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I hope you get throught this. <br />
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Take care

I am gonna give that a try. Luckily I have thirteen pets to take care of so I am never truly alone.