I Blame You !

Well my story is going to be long but it's not going to be dull i can assure you !
It all started when i was little i had friend who was my neighbour and we were like 6-7 , and he always wanted to touch me and experiment with me. I didn't seem to mind cause i didn't had anything to do then i was so little . So it all began as we've grown we would evolve our experience more and more till the age of 12-13 something...He was kinda a fatty but i did alot of silly stuff with him and when i grew a bit i started ignoring him and went out of the house and found much more friends ! So it was all smooth i would always have a hot thought about a guy in our circle of friends i've never stopped with that but it was bugging me ! I felt something was wrong but i kinda enjoyed it with you know what ... One day i met a guy who was very outfront with me about he's orientation and he took me to a dark place where he touched me and so on ... I saw him over a year or so ,on and off he was 17-18 something while i was 13-14 and then i heard that he was arrested for interacting with kids my age and i was creeped out wondering if he wouldve told somebody else about me , and so that passed but in the mean time a had alot of little crushes.Intill i went to high school at the age of late 14 . At the first days of school i saw this guy who i felt in love at first sight ( i didnt believe it eighter). I began to watch him all the time and my friends ( the 2 friends who are girls )
started commenting about how hot he is , and i just smiled and told one of my friends that i will get him to notice me and i will talk to him and inturduce myself , i told her that but i did it for me not for her . And so i commented him on a picture of DOTA he had on FB about how awesome he was playing it was december ( and i saw him the first time in september) and but the end of December we became friends i don't even know how... it was easy talking to him cause he really seemed to like me and soon we became really close friends and i interduced him to my group of friends so he can come out and club with us. It was fine ! really untill i girl friend of mine asked me if i could hook them up , even tough i was so in love i did it in a heart beat and they started dating.I didnt say that all the time we werent together we would always chat on FB and we had very intesive conversations sometimes sexually sometimes how much we love each other . So it came the first of May and we celebrate that day by going somewhere off town and my friend ( who was a girl ) begged me to go with her to this city were we love to hang and live when we go to college , but my group of friends were going to the lake and he was going with them and when i told him that i wanted to go with my friend to the big city, he was so dissapointed he said that he will never forgive me if i leave him alone and i was kinda mad that he already hadnt realised that i foolishly love him and went to the city with my other friend ... but we were fine afterwards ... so his relationship with the girl who i hooked him up with started to bug him so i said break up with her and so he did and summer came and we didnt see each other the whole summer cause we werent from the same places but only from the same school ... but he invited me to go with him on his vacation to this amazing place with beaches aand parties and so i did ! When we got there it was fine the first days chilling at the beach he would always look like crazy at girls and he begged me if we could hook up with some girls but i said no that is our vacation ( i know ) because i was planning that this will be when we hook up and i till him i love him but at the end of the vacation he kept me waiting for him for 40 mins at a internet cafe while he was texting this girl and when i saw that i go so mad i left the other day without saying anything to him . I didnt say that during the vacation i had a fight over the phone with one of my ex-girlfriends ( i was experimenting and i just started to like her and she broke up with me) so for the first time i was really messed up and started crying when we went to bed and he came to bed and layed next to me and started hugging me and telling me its is all gonna be fine , we cuddled about 1 hour or so... but continuing i at the last day when we got into a fight as you know i left and got a buss for home and on the bus station here he was ... we just had a 3 sec look and just turned around. After that school started again i was almost 16 and it was his birthday 15th september and i added him as a friend on FB again and i wished him a happy b-day and he said thanks and immediatly posted a mood report about how happy he is , whitch i thought it was wierd , he couldnt be that happy cause i wished him happy b-day and my birthday . So we started talking again and we went out 1-2 times for coffee to catch up and agreed to forget what happend last summer , but he started acting wierd he missed my birthday , he didnt wish me one in the first place and then i shuted him off again. And we didnt talk for about a year untill summer came again and he sent me a friend request again... and i wrote him why ? But he just replyed that he missed me and it hit me ... i am going to tell him everything ! and so i did summer ended and school started again and i saw him at school and told him to wait for me at the park tonight and he said ok ... So i told him everything but he didnt seem really suprised he smiled and said to me ''Well man i dont know ive loved girls all my life'' and then he asked me if i could put this behind me and we could be the friends we were and i said i will try and when we said goodbye that night i shaked his hand but he pulled me and hugged me ... I WAS SO CONFUSED even tough he was acting very wierd canceling our hang outs all the time and now i told him and he hugged me so warmly ... and we started to distance again his birthday passed i didnt wish him one and he wrote to me how mad he is that i didnt ... mine passed untill yesterday i was in a club with my friends and i saw him in the entrance but i passed right through him ... almost at the end of the night i was with 1 friend at the table because the others were out smoking and he was 4-5 tables away from me and he was sitting alone ... and i was staring at him all the time and he turned around ... and he smiled and i did too ... didnt know what else to do and he called me over and asked me to sit with him ... and asked me why i was avoiding him all night ... and i told you know why , our situation but we immediatly changed the topic and chatted for a minute or two and i said goodbye ... so that was my life and last night ... ha i dont think i wouldve had feeling for anyother guy but him i dont even know what those feelings are but they are just so STRONG ! i really do not know what to do with myself obviously i cant get over him ... I told him about me, whats next ? I really dont want to have these feelings i want to be with a nice pretty girl and have fun but i cant cause these feelings made me lose alot of friends cause i closed myself on the inside and now ... those feelings are back , damn
stormy366 stormy366
22-25, M
5 Responses Oct 29, 2011

It's okay everyones different and just remember your really hot !


That was the most touching story I've heard and exactly like my life but except for the cuddling part and telling him.

Thank you , it means so much :)

if u really love him nothing should stop u from loving him at the same time i am sorry that u have feelings 4 a boy and not a girl but there is nothing u can do about it

Sounds to me like you're confused. (Sorry to state the obvious)<br />
<br />
My advice is move on from him. He keeps coming in and out of your life and it seems more of a bother than anything worth spending time on.<br />
<br />
Have you considered that maybe your desire to be with a 'nice pretty girl' is purely because you think that will make you happy? <br />
<br />
Don't put a label on it. That will only confuse you. Try things out. Experiment. There's no rush to figure things out. Take it easy. But I'd say leave that guy behind.

not putting a label is kind of confusing me in the first place , because i really dont like the gay guys in my city they are so patetic i sort of like guys who are off limits , is that normal ?

Oh yes. Liking straight guys is a common thing. It's sucks, but that happens. I;d say it's fairly common to like something/someone you can't have. We just need to find a way around that. Either leave them out of our life, or find a way to kill the love.

And as for the label. In your case it may be better to have a label. Consider the physical/sexual side of things. Do you like male/female bodies? You're allowed to like both. You don't have to choose. Personality for me is of less importance (when determining sexuality) as it changes from person to person.
But, it probably depends on your idea of sexuality. For me sexuality if being attracted and getting turned on by a certain (or
both) sexes. But everybody is different.

[Sorry if this makes you more confused.. :p ]