Christian Guy Struggling

Hello, I am a Christian male (30 years old) struggling with my sexual orientation.  I'm involved in church, ministry, and even go to seminary.  I've been struggling with being gay for years.  I've had a few people, including mom, who said I need to embrace who God created me to be.  They're all believers too.  I don't know whether to give in to these desires and accept it or try and fight it and pray till I'm straight.  I don't know how to reconcile gay with Christianity.  I'm not sure what to do.  Anyone in the same boat?
ARhodes09 ARhodes09
26-30, M
12 Responses Feb 21, 2012

Look, you don't have to have sex. I'm Catholic, so I guess I sort of live in a different culture of Christianity, but we understand that the sin is not the tendency towards homosexuality, the sin exists in acting on it. I believe our Catechism claims that homosexuality is, in actuality, a calling to chastity, which I think Paul calls one of the highest callings, as well as the hardest. I don't think you are likely to "become straight" but I think if you focus on spiritual connections instead of sexual ones, you'll find your life much happier. Good luck. It's one of the hardest struggles ever, but it is doable with grace. I'll be praying for you.

I see your thread has not had much action lately. I'm new here and thought I would offer up my few cents worth.
Speaking from my own experience of 52 years this is what I have found.
I have been a christian since I was 5 years old. raised in a very conservative background.. even breathing oxygen was a sin with out permission LOL.

I knew when I was 4-5 years old that I was different. In high school I was so nieve, kids were calling me gay/queer and I didn't know what it meant. I told my mother and here response was "Well your not that!" and then went on with her housework.

It wouldn't be until I was about 32 that I could admit I liked and was attracted to guys. I had experimented with many by this time. I had been married 11 years and three kids. I finally divorce in the 15th year of marriage and have never been happier.
Now lets add to that a calling to ministry when I was young and knowing that God had a purpose for my life. Do you see the huge conflict? I bet you do!

I took years of fasting/prayer, self denial yada yada to admit I was gay. I then struggled with scripture. I studied hebrew and greek and tore the book up in search of answers. trust me God made you to be who you are.

often you have the phrase "God never makes mistakes!" most christians believe that until you tell them you are gay ! lol trust me the statement is true. God makes no mistakes and you are NOT ONE EITHER.

I could ramble for hours about this with story after story in my testimony but I will stop here.. if you should want to hear more contact me at to_late2snooze it will be on the BIG Y ending oo. I hope this helped Bryan

i think you are who you are and you cant help the way you are if you fight it you could rezent yourself more the best thing i can say is be yourself dont let anyone or anything try and change you because beilieve me my mum loves me but if i mention anything to her about it she says i dont want to talk about it and i think why shouldnt i be able to be proud of who iam and speak openly weither they like or not ;)

Stop struggling and just be.

<p>God made You . He gave you, just like He gave all others their sexuality. The Bible is not totally accurate on every single point. The Bible is a large collection of genealogies, hymns, prayers, parables, prophecies and general history. It also contradicts it self many times. <br />
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Many things that were intended for Biblical times are now considered evil or just plain wrong at best. </p><p>That said. God has a plan for your life. Pray for Him to lead you to where He wants for you to be. You also could have a total re think about the interpretations of the term Sodomites. In short it refers to straight men who rape and degrade other men for power and dominance. This goes on in mens prisons all the time and male rape is still being used in the Middle East and society today.</p><p>The term Sodomite does not refer to Homosexual men as such at all today. Infact In Biblical times sexual orientation was not understood the way it is today. Think of what Jesus said when He was speaking of Eunuchs. There are those that made themselfs Eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom, there are those who were turned into Eunuchs, and there were those that were born that way. You can Google search this and hopefully see that God does love you and dont let churches tell you otherwise.</p><p>God Bless</p>

Accept your feelings. God wouldnt have made you feel that way if he wouldn't love you for it. You know, maybe, just maybe, Gods opinion has changed on how he views homosexuals, much as our opinion here on Earth changes. He wouldn't create you that way and just not love you!

For god sake man, you cannot make yourself straight you did not make yourself gay either, you were born like it... I am not a religious man at all I cannot begin to imagine your fight to reconcile, but you will not reconcile thinking you will become straight.. Embrace the fact you are different then go to your church or god and start from there! Maybe thats your problem trying to do the impossible?? Good luck

Reconcile your orientation with Christianity? Think about the basic message that Jesus taught and forget all the "rules" that organized churches have added to it. You can be true to yourself, accept how God made you, and be a better Christian than those that spread hate and try to make you feel inferior. Don't pray to be straight, but rather pray for those who fail to understand what God's love really means.

I am in the same situation but the only difference is that I am not 30 I am 16 and I am not in any kind of ministry but I am christian. I say that God chose to make gays because he simply wanted to, so be it gays exist. If people do not see you as a man of God because u have a different sexual orientation then I say that they are placing judgement on you. No person of man and creation of God can throw judgement of who is worthy of being with God because only God can place the judgement of who is worthy, this is what I say to people who cast judgement on others. If God really did not want you to exist then why are u here? I would tell you that you are here because He wanted u to be but that is not my say to take place. Think to your self, if God did not like gays then why are you where you are now? I would simply say its because God made you exist and he didn't hate gays so from your existence you are where you are now but then again it is not my place to say this of God.<br />
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Simple way to think of it, if God truly hate homosexuals then why do we exist and why aren't homosexuals simply struck with lightning to be gotten rid of? Simple He wanted homosexuals to exist because homosexuals are equal in God eye and judgement. Homosexuals are just same as anyone else. Everyone is different so why try to make everyone a heterosexual? God gave each person a mind to think on their own and become themselves.<br />
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These are things I believe and go by. You should try to see through this perspective and it may help with your struggles. If my beliefs and help was useless then I am sorry for giving you useless information.<br />
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I understand that reading this information may be cared less about because I am younger and not as experienced in life as you are but try to consider what I have said. I say that knowledge comes from those of all ages.

Thanks Rubixkewb! I know exactly what you mean. To this day, my dream is still to marry a woman, have kids, have the big house... all of it. But, I know that will ever happen. It kinda seems like a let down and like I can never be truly happy. People who say that being gay is a choice do not understand. I can remember as a very little kid of like 3 or 4 years old having certain "feelings" I didn't understand. I kept having these feelings like I wanted to see and wanted to be around the neighbor guy next door but didn't know why. It wasn't sexual (of course, at that age), but still, I just wanted to see him, to be around him. I know that probably sounds stupid, but it is the truth. I didn't even know what sex was, so how could choose to be gay at the time?

Hey man, I get your struggle. I cannot say that I am as devout of a Christian as you two. In a way being gay has pushed me away from church and I am not as involved as I would like to be. I also go to to a Christian university and I love it but I feel I can never fully be a part of it as much as I would like. Its a tough struggle because I can never truly know what God thinks of me of what he would like me to do. I have to keep reminding myself though that he made me this way for a reason, this was not my choice, I want to be straight, marry a woman and procreate just like everyone else but I could not do it if my heart wasnt into the relationship, lie and create a bigger mess in the long run. I recently came out to my family and a few friends, and so far they have all been supportive even my mother. I can't offer much advice because I am still looking for answers myself but just know this: loving another human being could never be a sin regardless of who they are. Whatever course you decide to take though, always carry God in your heart. I ask him for guidance every day as I try to find my happiness. Peace.

Hi ARhodes09! I am about in the same boat you are. I am a Christian male, 31 years old, and am deeply involved in my Church. I attend Church at least 3 times per week, and even involved in different ministries of the Church. I have known that I was gay ever since I was a small boy and have always struggled with it. Nobody knows that I am "that way" and I prefer to keep it that way for fear what will happen. I am afraid that I will be kicked out of the church, or at least have many of the congregation members turn their backs on me since homosexuality is supposedly a sin. It literally tears me up inside. I feel like I am living a fake life. I don't feel like I can ever be happy. I feel like if God knows every hair on my head, then he also knows I am gay and made me that way. I feel like I will always be stuck in a life of loneliness and solitude since I can never show anyone or be myself. It bothers me that I can never go out on a date in public, never show affection to the love of my life in public, or just spend the day out with the one I love. It has lead me to become very depressed over the years. Not sure where to go from here. Thanks for sharing your story though and for allowing me to share mine!