Gay, Celibate, Christian Just Wanting To Find That Someone To Hold At Night
I was raised in a Christian home, by two parents that were present in my life, and have been married for 20 years now and are very happy. I have never seen them fight once. I have a half-brother that is 5 years older than me, and we don't get along and never have. I have a step-sister that my parents adopted that is 11 years younger than me. My dad loves me, but he was always busy working and providing for the family (though my mother works also) so he wasn't there for me emotionally. I was with my mother a lot though because she was a school teacher so I went to work with her instead of daycare, we go shopping, hang out, etc. Since I was thirteen I have known that I was attracted to men. I hate being attracted to men and I wish I could change, but I can't and I even go to counseling to try to help. I have decided that the only way to have a chance to live happy, and Christian is through a celibate relationship. I yearn for the love and affection of a man. When I think about being in a relationship and happy, I just see myself laying together just holding a man or being held by a man (spooning) to know he is there and he loves me. When the lust, sex, and marriage is removed is it still a sin? Is it still homosexuality or just SSA? (I have seen guy friends in a different kind of just friend love spoon together at sleepovers and when they are drunk haha). Can I just have a male life partner without the lust and sex and marriage?