Gay, Celibate, Christian Just Wanting To Find That Someone To Hold At Night

I was raised in a Christian home, by two parents that were present in my life, and have been married for 20 years now and are very happy. I have never seen them fight once. I have a half-brother that is 5 years older than me, and we don't get along and never have. I have a step-sister that my parents adopted that is 11 years younger than me. My dad loves me, but he was always busy working and providing for the family (though my mother works also) so he wasn't there for me emotionally. I was with my mother a lot though because she was a school teacher so I went to work with her instead of daycare, we go shopping, hang out, etc. Since I was thirteen I have known that I was attracted to men. I hate being attracted to men and I wish I could change, but I can't and I even go to counseling to try to help. I have decided that the only way to have a chance to live happy, and Christian is through a celibate relationship. I yearn for the love and affection of a man. When I think about being in a relationship and happy, I just see myself laying together just holding a man or being held by a man (spooning) to know he is there and he loves me. When the lust, sex, and marriage is removed is it still a sin? Is it still homosexuality or just SSA? (I have seen guy friends in a different kind of just friend love spoon together at sleepovers and when they are drunk haha). Can I just have a male life partner without the lust and sex and marriage?
jennings2012 jennings2012
18-21, M
21 Responses Aug 9, 2012

Hi there. I know this post is old but i thought id give this a go. First off, as unpopular as this might be: homosexual six is a damning sin, but so is any sin. So is ************. Actually fornication covers all srxual sin. All of which condemn a person. However, i understand the pain of this cross, as i am gay. You can overcome this, as christ overcame the world. I still hope that God eill place a man in my life to share many things with, albeit not sex. Still real love transends. But we must always keep a clear conscience. Anyone who says they love Christ but does not keep his commands is a liar and a child of satan. Jesus said that. Albeit a paraphrase. People that tell you that knowing God Or believeing in him is enough are gnostics and revelations is clear on where gnostics end up. Again keep looking for love, but hate even the garment defiled by the flesh.

Of course you can!!! That's what I'm looking for. I've gone celibate for religious reasons but you can still be affectionate, loving and supportive without sex and marriage. But that's just my opinion. I don't have any problem with same-sex marriage; it just isn't for me. I'm 62, a sentimental Mormon guy living in Kansas.

I can so identify with your feelings--just wanting to snuggle and hold and massage man without having to feel the pressure to go all the way. There are a few of us out there but it's very difficult--I even tried posting on Craigslist for this type of friendship and while there were plenty of Christian guys who responded saying that they too didn't want sex, once we met all they wanted was sex! I think you can be a good Christian, be friends with a buddy in an intimate way without having sex with him, and honor God the way you want to do.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting this its what everyone wants someone to love and to love you in return regardless of gender or sexual orientation, now I'm not religious despite being sent to religious schools when I was younger but from what I recall god loves us and created us in his image so if we can be gay, straight or bisexual then surely god is as well and life's too short to make yourself miserable so do what makes you happy cause if you don't you will regret it.

Hope you find what your looking for.

it only proves that being gay isnt a choice.

Mate your a Christian, so I presume that you believe that God also created you. Well God also gives us all, straight, bi, gay, our orientation too. We cannot change it any more than we could change the colour of our skin.

Our Heavenly Father loves you and has a plan for you. Believe me. He also expects each of us to be responsible with our lives, and not throw caution to the wind and do silly things. Celibacy can work for some, but not all. For us as humans it is not normal. Most of us do need that love in our lives, we need to be held, and to express physically that love as God intended for a loving committed and monogamous couple. Pray to God each day for him to lead you where He wants for you to be.

God Bless

Follow your heart

Are you serious? You want to have a celibate relationship just because you're Christian? You were born gay so it's natural, you were raised a Christian... if you had been born to agnostic, open parents you wouldn't feel this way, so I'm sorry.... but seriously find a man and **** him, there's nothing wrong with that

Hey u think the same way I do its crazy. We should talk one of these day ;)

That relationship is called "best friends." There's nothing wrong with that, but it's harder to sustain because finding someone who also want to be celibate and so for their whole lives is... well, not easy. I am currently in a relationship like this.

I personally believe in abstinence, but not necessarily celibacy. But that is also because I consider myself a theistic freethinker rather than binding myself to a religion that doesn't necessarily feel compatible with who I am at heart. I've "been feeling gay" ever since I can remember, so I say that I have been gay my entire life, for I AM gay. Sorry, I get a little wordy on all this stuff. Even if when I was a practicing Christian, there is much interpreting that ought to be done before one writes off Christianity as a religion that condemns homosexual acts. I urge you to read a bit about this issue in the link that I attach. Please message me if you have any questions or even if you want to talk to another man-loving man who values moral integrity. :)

I have to agree with arod 800. I can't help I'm a man and had have some adventures, but ultimately just a one monogamous relationship!

This really is what I've been looking for! I'm so glad to find other people in the same boat! I feel it's definitely possible! Thank you!


Oooh baby... gotta like a man in uniform! hehe

YO might like this blog: Catholic, Gay, and Feeling Fine - the author is Steve Gershom. I'm not saying the blog will solve everything. But it's good.

There are sc<x>ripture passages that indicate we should not violate our own conscience. There are also sc<x>riptures that indicate that no one is on his own able to go and meet God. The point of the Gospels is that man can reach God through God's grace. No one gets to heaven on their own goodness. It is a gift from God. Everyone is a sinner who has committed something that was wrong, yet God chose to accept us anyway. God's mercy works on God's time table as to when we see a need to accept God's grace. Grace is forgiveness for no reason except God wanted to grant it. There is one condition. The person must accept this divine healing from Godl<br />
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I don't believe being gay has anything to do with drag queens, or being feminine or any other indicators except one:: preference for your own gender. Paul did say that some should not marry. Perhaps you are in that boat.<br />
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This is a situation where ultimately, it comers down to what you believe God expects you to do. Keep in mind that God has different tasks in life for each person. I admire you desire to be totally in the will of God. You are human and will fail to do that on occasion. When you do confess and try to "fix" whatever the problem is. <br />
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I can give my understanding of the various sc<x>riptures, that no one human being is infallible, that is has 100 % of the truth and never sins against God. The Bible makes it clear that we all sin. For all have come short of the glory of God so the sc<x>ripture goes.<br />
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May God bless you Your abiding faith will serve you well as you live your life in the coming days, months and years. Don't lose sight of the fact that God may show you knew information at any point in your life. Look at Moses. Moses was given a great commandment to go and free the Israelite slavers. That happened at age 80.<br />
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If I can provide any support, private message me or ask on a public forum.<br />
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I just reread this, thank you so much for you insight, wisdom, and support.

same thing happening to me thanks for the advice! Godbless

Everyone needs someone to love and you should be at peace with yourself about who you are.I would rather have a soulmate with whom I could relate on the most intimate levels. Maybe I'm just an incurable romantic who happens to be gay.<br />
I fought liking men all my life because during my formative years it was illegal still in some parts but not all of the UK, a bizarre situation covering nearly a whole generation and still very much taboo everywhere for years afterwards. No education, and very much on one's own with no one to confide in. <br />
Much less so now, and refreshingly the lesser so. I am really pleased with the changes in society since.<br />
But, boy, I've still a lot of hang ups to deal with.

i like you jenning...i hate liking a man either and i cant help the fact that i still like it! :( really nice to find people who can relate with...........and also, its better to be close with others so that you can tell everything about you openly

add me to your circle if you want, it won't let me see your profile because of your settings

ok add me as well ...sorry for that EP is the one having this settings

If we ever met and told me about this, I probably confessed to you that same way I would feel. I understand that you want to choose a different life or want, the fantasy of stopping such feelings to come out. I probably married you if the situation actually came.

It brings me hope to see that there are others out there like myself, though if you are male (your profile doesn't say) same-sex marriage is not in my agenda ;))!

don't worry it would never happen to us lol

You never know, you live four hours from my house! haha

oh dang never thought about that

1 More Response

If this is your real name, I would go change it immediately. You never know who is reading what is posted here. For those who want their Experience identity hidden from the person's real world, one does not need to use his real name as the user name.<br />
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I agree with the pastor and Need to Go. However, there is a verse that says we should not violate our own conscience or something like that. My point is that you are wise to stay celibate as long as you believe you have committed great sin having gay sex.<br />
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I hope you can come to terms with your gayness. Being gay is who you are and have been all your life. I remember some discussion about butts when I was somewhere in elementary. Some of the boys were talking about how cute girl's butts looked. The teacher got on to them, but was even more upset with my comment that boys had better looking butts.<br />
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There are many guys raised only by a single mom who have taken many women to bed and wouldn't think of being sexual with another man. Being feminine or masculine isn't a factor either. Several pro football pla<x>yers have announced they were gay.<br />
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There have been boys raised only by their dads that were gay.<br />
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If being attracted to other men is a choice, then when did all the striaght people make a choice to be straight? Ask straight people. They do not remember making a choice.<br />
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Keep in mind that some people are bisexual. God loves bisexuals as well. There is where comes the confusion. Bisexuals may remember when they made a choice when they fell in love with a person either male or female. Forsaking all others would mean a choice has been made.<br />
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You give no indication that you are bisexual. There has to be a sexual attraction to both genders for that to be the case.<br />
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Finally,you have your values which were your parents and others in your church etc. The comment in Leviticus isn't applicable. For one thing there are many,many instructions that not even the Jewish people within 200 years followed. Leviticus gives the laws for the people of that time much like our US Constitution is for us. <br />
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The story of Lot in the "wicked cities" is very misunderstood. God was angry because the invading army wanted the young girls to de-flower. Instead, the elders sent the young men to serve the invading army's sexual needs which most likely was anal sex.<br />
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God didn't mean for the elders to send anyone for that purpose according to that ancient book as well as according to any other book in the Bible canon.<br />
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As for Paul, his comments can be taken to mean the male prostitutes that were in the fertility temples that performed sexual acts with men who of course left an offering.<br />
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There is some speculation that Timothy was more than a young man that accompanied Paul on some of his missionary journeys. Paul doesn't appear to have a wife and family. Paul appears to be anti-female. Jesus, however, treated both men and women the same.<br />
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Do message me if you wish for more discussion about this. I suspect that if you find the right man, you will know what to do. I don't believe it will just be holding hands. <br />
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Don't listen to the homophobic people who will try to lead you to believe that committing a homosexual act will automatically send you to hell. Even if by chance having sex with a man is not what God really wants, consider how many people have had a bad divorce and done things that if you think about it would be worse than having sex with a man. Sexual activities are not some super mortal sin that make Hitler's murder of six million Jews seem a minor sin.<br />
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Please don't find a "nice girl" to marry to please Mom and Dad. Your parents aren't going to have to live with her until death do you part. Some men pull it off well. Others falter. It is tragic when a man gets married, has children and then when they are tweens or teens, announce he has a new partner and he is a man. The mother and children deserve better than that.<br />
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Listen to Need to Go, the pastor and me. You were born that way. I don't know why. I do know that God loves all his children. There is a place in heaven for the gay people as well as those that are straight.<br />
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Listen to God. That is the hardest part of praying.<br />
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Peace Be to You.

I am not trying to offend anyone, but this is what I am having issues with, not anything from Leviticus or anything like that:

1 Corinthians 6:9-11
English Standard Version (ESV)

9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous[a] will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,[b] 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

I think some of us here are in the same shoes. It is not about sex or lust but its more of the closeness with another guy or fantasizing sleeping on bed being in love. Then we all wake up and curses our realities. LOL

Your sexual orientation is largely determined at birth. A religious person would have to admit that you are gay because God made you that way. Once you are able to accept it, you will find that others will as well. Your parents may find this difficult, so it may be easier for them and for you if you are out on your own as soon as is practical. <br />
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Yes, it may be possible to find a male life partner who will forego sex, but that's not necessary. The term "lust" has a selfish, evil connotation, and that's not appropriate in the loving relationship that you seek. Your sex drive is part of who you are, and it's no sin to express it with love that is sincerely felt.

Thank you for taking the time to reply! I will one day admit that I am attracted to guys, but I won't accept living the gay lifestyle just based on my own beliefs. I respect your beliefs, but I personally don't believe that God made me this way. I may have had a predisposition to being emotional, and sensitive and therefore the rejection from every male role model in my life made me yearn for the love of a man. Am I right? Who knows? But I have faith either way that as long as I am trying to live my life the best I know how, everything will be okay in the end; I believe this life is only temporary. Thank you for encouraging me to be me and to not let others bring me down!

Neither do I will accept the gay lifestyle, It doesn't attract me of seeing a certain level of gayness such as drag queens. But no offense to anyone who likes to do those personal choices, its just that I prefer straight acting (if that's what is called) and a bit conservative.

Regardless of how we were wired when we were born, what we CAN control is what we do about it. For some, that may mean playing a straight role. If it works for you, then that's the right thing to do. My only warning is not to marry and have children, and then have a change of heart. Contrary to some Internet sites, it's possible to have a successful and rewarding life while celibate.