Lying To Myself Again

Well i want to tell people that i'm a liar... I 've always said i don't have any problems with being gay, but i do. I just don't want people to feel bad for me. I have friends and family that support me. What else do i need? I get real lonly sometimes... and it hurts alot. Guys that i've been with, guys that i could have started a relationship with, it never happens like i want it too. I'm lonely. sometimes i feel like i'm by myself and in my head i tell myself that i could do it by myself but i can't.. what i want is someone i could spend a lifetime with. but with my luck it never turns out like i want it too. I don't know if i can survive with just me, i need somebody. It hurts alot sometimes being lonly, especisally when everyone around me has someone by their side. I also tell my friends that i'm just trying to take care of myself right now but i'm lying... My heart aches for someone to be with. All my lost chances with the man of my dreams... all my mistakes, all of their mistakes that i feel guilty of... i'm so sick of being lonely, so sick of not sharing my bed with someone, anyone... i'm so desprete, but can you blame me? I just want to share my life with the one. I hate putting up a front saying that i'm okay with just me. like i said, it hurts so much sometimes, i don't know what to do.
lorsive lorsive
22-25, M
2 Responses Jan 20, 2013

Ah, you are 22-25 don't rush! I finally - at 32 - moved in with my boyfriend, we've been together for two years. We are happy, not cover-of-a-gay-magazine-happy, but we're happy & love each other. However, both he & I are grateful we had time to meet lots of different guys, have different experiences & sometimes I smile & think about the great romances, or near romances I had...kissing a boy in Rome under moonlight when I was 20, holding hands with a cute guy in a Pride Parade in NYC one year, going to clubs, even the time I got dumped on a payphone, in the rain, in FRANCE one summer by a BF back in the States, etc. If I found "the one" boyfriend from the time I really wanted one, when I was about in college, none of those experiences would have happened; and at least four of them are still my friends!

First off, I can relate to your story my uncle was gay. As being a woman we absolutely love gay guys! I dont think you should be so hard on yourself, being gay is a gift, God made you that way. So please dont allow yourself to be miserable.... My uncle recently passed, and I can tell you, he would of lived alot longer if he wasn't so miserable and lonely. You go out there and find someone to be happy with! your life is short, but seems so long if your miserable.. Go big happy and realize your gift is from God.