Small Town, Nothing In Common.

All the gay guys at my high school well you can tell they are gay. I dont understand it. How come im gay but i dont even act it? I im glad i dont but I wish there were just more people like me where I live. If I said Im gay they wouldnt think that Im just a regular guy they would think well you know. Just wundering if anyone else feels the same.

tomtombear tomtombear
18-21, M
29 Responses Dec 2, 2008

I am sorry that you are struggleing and wish you the very best
for me the struggle continued for yrs as when I was growing up in my family being gay was not an option you were sick and belonged in an institution I had to hid whom is was and even married twice and had two beautiful children I would have a few guys to fill my needs over the yrs intell away working I could no longer take it any more and had to make my life my own hurting every one around me including my kids as id lied to them my life seemed to take down hill spiral leaving me with nothing and my partner at the time a younger man grew angry and nearly killed breaking my back and neck after several surgeries still able to get around I found another this one to became violent and I couldn't walk away I thought I loved him and did he just didn't return the same after a battle we separated and now still healing im ready to start again I guess what I want to say is to always be your self never stray from whom you are for any one you will find that special guy or guys it may take some time but at all cost be happy with whom you are a good person

There is no such thing as "acting gay." Some guys are masculine some guys are more effeminate and neither is proprietary to being gay. There are thousands of masculine gay men, so don't fret about it. Live your life and enjoy it to the fullest. What others say is not your business.

There is a guy out there who is perfect for you, and you two will be happy together. Don't be down. Things will be awesome. Just be patient until then.

Your just a masculine gay male. There are a lot of masculine gay males. In the African american community there are thousands of them.Most of them are down low men (men who portray to straight in public but are gay behind closed doors.)So dont feel your alone

Buddy, wait until you have experienced that for 35 years. One thing you have going for you is the culture is so much more accepting now... I don't act "gay", don't do the "gay" things that gays are "supposed" to do... I just know that for pretty much my whole life I have been attracted to men. There are guys like you out there... but good luck finding one. I've been looking forever it seems. I hope you find your peace my friend.

I think it's just preferences. Some guys like fashion, some don't. It doesn't have to mean that they're gay, but it happens.

I think it'd be cool to be friends with one of them. Think of all the possibilities you have if you went to a mall with a walking stereotype.

Im the same as you. Im gay and I always have been. But I dont act like it. Im the straightest gay guy you'll ever meet. :) Hang in there man

Well... I am gay but I don't deal very well with girlish guys... just creeps me out. I am not hating on them, just how my brain works.

You are not alone. <br />
I use to think that I didn't even fit in in the gay world because I had stereotypes of what gay was my own self. But some guys are more flamers and some are not... but the main thing is just to be yourself. I look at it as I was dealt a hand of cards in life... being gay is just one of many cards and it isn't the top card very often.. I'm not wild about labels on people anyways I'm just me. Be yourself....<br />

I live in Charlestown, West Virginia, and in my entire school there are only about five out and about gay/bi guys there, and I cannot connect on any level with any of them, they are REALLY vocal and out about the fact that they are gay, so they talk funny, have the most bazaar hairstyles, and seem to want to get together all the time, all of those things I cannot stand. If you met me you would not at all expect me to be gay, because I do not allow it to define or change me in any way. I feel like I am the only one in my community who is like this, and it is very difficult since I want a relationship with something more and all they seem to want is the pleasure aspect.

I don't think you should feel that you "should" come out in high school... or any other time. <br />
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As far as high school, if you live in a small narrow-minded town, which you said you do, then don't feel you should martyr yourself by coming out to the whole world. You will only be in high school for a few years, and, people in high school are a mixed bag: some a mature and accepting, some are violent and prejudiced... your sexual life is none of their business.<br />
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If you go to college or move away after you graduate, it will be a whole new world. Then you will find people like yourself, and coming out to them won't be a big deal. <br />
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In a way, you have it good because when I was in school, I wasn't a "flamer" but at that time and in that place, ANYthing different and you were instantly a "***". I was into dance and gymnastics so yeah... you can imagine. You don't have to put up with that awful stuff and that's a good thing, especially since after you're out of school, none of those people will matter anymore unless you want to stay in touch with some of them.

Where I live there are plenty of gays. Miserable horrible people, but nonetheless gays. Publicly, they talk about nasty filthy queers and try to make life as bad as they can for them. Privately they'll do ANYTHING, and I truly mean ANYTHING, to please a "fellow" gay. They're just a bunch of hypocrites.

myself, I never seem to get along with over the top gay guys; I know everyone is entitled to be what they want to be, but I just cant stand people playing up to a stereotype; it just seems fake somehow

Well im glad you have been ablt to move on. Trust me i know how it feels. I have a boy friend now and i moved out. Though my family does accept me and that has made it easier. I wouldnt say theirs anything wrong being flamboyent or homosexual. Im glad im gay... it makes things more interesting :)

Hi dude, my name is Rudy and I feel the same as you. I have always been gay and I know that but at the same time I have always being worrying about it. I think its cuse my family is so ******* religious and the stuff but I hate that gay people that seems to be so feminine. I mean... thats weird, even if I am "one of them" in the sense that Im homosexual. I hate that, I cant see myself acting like that its just... a horror hahahaha! So ye... I have been angry cuse my sexual orientation all my life but now I know (even if I continue in the closet) that there are more guys like me. And that Im not as strange as I used to think I was. Im ******* perfect you know? And I love myself even if sometimes I continue getting angry cuse of this. It would have been easier for me if I were born straight. But life its not easy is it?<br />
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Now Im in love with a guy, he is all I want, a normal guy who likes guys, my same music , interesting and has a ******* beautiful brain. I love to **** his brain even if it sounds weird hahahaha!<br />
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I have being feeling so lonely all my life, misunderstanding things, feeling as a monster. Now Im here and I can say: It gets better (**** YEAH!)

aha i know what you mean man. But i dont know... I swear like im better then them or something. Their still human beings. Hmmm took me a while to realise it. Not to sound more conceded but i have to let girls down all the time. I some times feel bad lol.

stereotypes are useless. You are tom. You have tom mannerisms. you do things in a very tomly way. I know some really femme straight guys, and I don't think they are just closet cases. As far as there being only flamers at your school, they probably just came out ealier. I didn't until my mid 20's, and I still seem to be immune to gaydar unless actually with someone at the very moment, and I have to let waitresses down constantly.

While we all know what "gay acting" and "straight acting" are meant to convey, the placing of people in boxes is really atrocious. I have been gay since I learned to talk and walk but my mannerisms fluctuate constantly between very masculine and a bit well "gay". None of it is planned or thought out. I'm just me. Being homosexual and being girly are not the same thing because sometimes there are gender issues involved. But, whether one is comfortable enough to just be himself/herself or thinks it's fun to put on a facade at times, who cares? One is not better than the other. And by the way, the majority of gay people are just like everyone else, flamboyant people stand out under any circumstances. <br />
PS. - Please try to break the habit of using the word "normal" when describing "straight acting" people. Let's just let each other breathe.

Well since then i have become WAY more confident in myself. I have told my dad and my sister and more people. Not my whole school but a few more trusting friends. <br />
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ya he sher did....

haha love that last line. <br />
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I see your point. I was wandering about that myself. If it is harder to fing partners out there in the real world.

not hard to find a partner. The best way I have found is to meet someone while you are doing the things you like to do. I usually meet someone when I am not looking for it. Enjoy being single and the right one is out there and you will meet up when the time is right.

Right on Bambam2011, tomtombear, one day you are going to be going about your business and wham, that special one will walk into your life when you least expect. Keep being yourself and enjoy life, forget about stereotyping yourself. Best of luck

haha just a straight gay. lol

Your a straight gay man or is it gay straight man I'm not sure but hey I'm not a raving queen like the stereotype I'm just a normal guy doing his own thing, just like yourself. ;)

maybe he is a straight woman, trapped in a mans body who is a bisexual lesbian. LOL just kidding

I believe that we are born gay, I have no doubt about that. I dont act gay either. Im into alot of the"guy" stuff. I guess it makes it a little easier that its not been so obvious. I guess some of it may be that it may be out of my "comfort zone" <br />
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Im late to the party, but Im here now and am ready to be me.

im in the same boat id act gay at all, no hips, no gay voice, im as man as au can get lol but everyone else is full blown gay! lol i made a funny get it full blown? haha

true i do want to satnd out and be weird. different is better than just blending in. But its harder said than done. I feel like comin out to everyone and seing what happens. cuase i just want to be myself and if people dont like me, **** em. But i dont think i have the balls to. I have only come out to a few people and even fewer family and well a hole high school would be tough. And in this homophobe town.... ya. bad idea but a few people have come out and well maybe i should to. <br />
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What do you meen by a little late to the party?

I've come out to a very few people, I don't make a fuss.I do want a relationship, I do want to be me without fear or hinderance and like you; say **** 'em!, but I don't have the balls for either and coming out would make a lot of friends uncomfortable, ones that I've known for years. I am probably quite straight acting which throws them.
Personally I would rather have a healthy loving relationship and to hang with what they think. Being gay, or bi, is just part of it, one card in a deck.

it's tough to come to terms with being different from others and finding where you fit it. know what though, 1. fitting in is boring<br />
2. you're the only 1 who has to live with your own choices so do what you wanna do.<br />
3. if people don't like you, f--- 'em.<br />
sounds great in theory i know but tough to apply. working on that myself. oh yea, and i definatelly KNOW that there are more of us out there, think people like us are just a little late to the party is all.

tomtombear you know I am totally gay but I am not a screaming queen stereotype, not effeminate at all. There is no set way for you to be, don't accept others' definitions of how you are meant to be, not even mine. You are more than 'A GAY' much more, it doesn't define you it is a part of you is all.<br />
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You aren't struggling with being gay you are struggling with being a stereotype buddy.<br />
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And what is normal anyway? <br />
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You are a regular guy and you happen to be gay, you also happen to be an artist and a guitarist and a friend and an american and a student and.... you get the ******* idea.<br />
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Oh yeah I forgot you happen to be loved but you knew that already.<br />
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xxx<br />
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I know i believe that you are born gay as well but a stereotypical gay is someone that people think is very feminine and what not. But most gay men are probably as normal as any other guys its just that the normal guys that are gay aren't noticed caused they don't even look it or act like it. what i mean by that is the hole stereotype of gay guys being feminine so that's why they aren't noticed.

I am gay but rainbows do not shoot out my ***. Just a normal guy who is gay. As you get older you will see the same actions of some guys. Even now I know some that could not pass for straight ( not that I think they should) if their lives depended on it. I just don't choose to be like that. I know who I am and I am happy with that. Just be yourself ALWAYS! when you try to "be" something your not, you will generally not like the outcome of your actions. Be yourself and have a great time.

It sounds as if you live in a pretty small place. I am the kind of person who thinks you are born gay- so I wouldn't really say you don't act gay. There is so many people in the world who are gay i don't think you can put a classification on them. I know a friend of mine who is gay- he likes football and hockey and guys. I guess he wouldn't be your sterotypical gay male. <br />
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You just need to be you. If others have a problem with it than they aren't worth your time of day. =)