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The Mistakes I've Made That I Can't Seem To Get Over..

Two guys, one girl. This is already starting bad.. One is in the service, a Marine, one is unemployed with an undiagnosed antisocial disorder, or something like it. Both were sweet, though one helped me more than the other. And I ended up with the other..
It happened last year. The Marine and I were getting closer as the days passed.. I was beginning to love him, and he was beginning to love me.. The other guy loved me, and I think I had loved him at one point.. They both were at least crushes. Though I didn't realize it, I was about to make a royal big mess up. Y'know how you can be "married" on Facebook? Well.. I was "married" to the other guy. I thought it was a joke like a bunch of people do, he thought we were together, I wanted to be with the Marine. Well, they both confronted me, and I had no idea what the other guy was straight flipping out on me for. Then he told me. He thought we were together, I had no clue. He never asked me to be his girlfriend. He never even mentioned it. But somehow I ended up as his girlfriend that day. A few days later, I told the Marine I was sorry, but I didn't really go into detail then. We stopped talked for a while, I ended up breaking up with the other guy about six months later. Then I was somehow able to talk to the Marine around two months later.. I explained that I hadn't known that the other guy thought we were together. He was still hurt by it, obviously. I've brought it up in our more recent conversations.. He said he's forgiven me, that he was hurt I went along with the other guy.. And I had already realized I probably won't be able to be that close to him again, though I still hope and wish I will be. I do love him, and he said he's forgiven me for it.. Said it multiple times.. Told me to forgive myself.. But I can't. I hurt him. I hurt the other guy as well. And I hurt myself. I carry the guilt still. I pretty sure I won't get a chance with the Marine, but it doesn't stop me from hoping that maybe I will.. He's helped me so much.. While being overseas.. And I pretty much hate myself for ever hurting someone so good as him.
AngelicMassacre AngelicMassacre 18-21, F Mar 16, 2012

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