So lately I have been working a lot on forgiveness. Forgivingthe person involved, fending off resentment, and most importantly, forgiving myself.

Even though I feel like I have made substantial progress and I know my forgiving has been sincere, as I have been allowing my self as much time as needed to properly go through the process, situations I have already forgiven keep haunting me.

I have recently realized that although I have forgiven the main person involved, example; My ex for accusing me of cheating on me and my pass boss sexually assaulting me, I haven't forgiven the background people, who at first I forgot about, but now surprisingly find the hardest to forgive.

Like mine and my ex's mutual friend Sarah. My ex Mike and I really did have a good relationship for the most part. It ended very abruptly one night at a welcome home party hosted by Michaels father. We all had quite a lot to drink, and all of our friends and mikes family were around. Mikes best friend decided to advance on me when I was in the washroom and kissed me, ripping my shirt in the process. I immediately shoved him away. This woman the family couldn't stand, but had to tolerate because she was dating mikes dad, saw it happened and freaked, making me out to be this big bad guy. Mike barely even questioned it, believing HER almost immediately, even though this woman is not a reliable source whatsoever. What really gets me, is that our friend Sarah and I were really hitting it off and chillen together that entire night. I know she saw mikes friend (one who kissed me) saying comments and hitting on me throughout the nite, those of which I ignored or walked away from. And could she go and tell mike she saw this? Nope. You think she voiced anything she saw at all? Sure didn't. She did absolutely NOTHING. And has clearly joined the ranks with mike, pinning me as the evil shady ex who cheated on him with his best friend.

The second, is Jemma. Who witnessed my boss, being extra close and me telling her he was hitting on me and asking me to have drinks with him after work and such. She knew about him attacking me the first time, and she knew I had told the supervisor about the boss doing it too, who (the supervisor) won't admit to it because he lives with, and is buddy buddy's with both of the bosses of the establishment (gay couple).

And you think Jemma admitted to knowing any of this to the detective when I filed the charges and she was brought into question?? Nope. She acted completely dumb and acted like she had no idea. She did not lie, but she did everything in her power to not have to say anything against the boss or in my favour.

It just really hurts. Because both Jemma and Sarah, when work was good and my relationship was stable, I considered good friends. And I think even more so what really gets me, is they both could have prevented major situations from occurring, or at least done a great deal of damage control, if they would have just spoken up. Wasn't asking anyone to throw out any punches for me, just to state the truth. Stand by there friend, letting me know that I wasn't alone, and that maybe my side shouldn't be tossed aside as hogwash and lies and could actually be more sustainable and truthful than anyone else's version of events.

I'm not trying to complain, I've been on my own long enough to be use to fighting by my own. Writing this is just really helping myself vent and bring to the surface the problems that still need to be forgiven and dealt with in order for me to move along and properly, resentment free.

Thanks for the read,

Light and Love! xox
justkeepswimming89 justkeepswimming89
26-30, M
Aug 24, 2014