Help In Forgiveness...

I am struggling with forgiveness.  I want to forgive because I don't want to carry resentment in my heart, but it is extremely hard for me. One of my siblings has visited with our long-lost-father and this has stirred up many emotions in me.  It makes me incredibly angry because he caused his family an incredible amount of trauma.  He beat out mother on a constant basis (even while pregnant) with his children there to witness it, was a raging alcoholic and eventually left us all high and dry.  He made my childhood home a place of terror.  My family has struggled with poverty even while he was around, but after he was gone it was a whole new level. We've been homeless while he never contributed anything but his own pathetic life.  At first he would call my younger siblings and promise to come and see them, but never came around.  They'd literally wait at the window all day long.  He broke their hearts.  I can forgive him for the pain he's caused me, but it is so incredibly hard for me to forgive him for the pain he's inflicted on my siblings.  They don't remember the physical abuse as I do because they were young, but I know this has affected them.  Now my brother is visiting with him and it's hard for me, because my father doesn't deserve him.  I know there won't be any deep revelatory apology either.  How do I cope?  How do I forgive?

JanelleS JanelleS
26-30, F
Mar 8, 2010