I'm Trying!!!

I really am TRYING to learn HOW to live like THIS!

I have seriously STRUGGLED this past year and I feel like a ball of confusion about MY life now! I keep wondering WHAT to do with myself....when I have energy! So much has happened and I really don't know WHERE to START!

At one point, I was alone but NOT lonely and now I am alone and lonely too...crazy thing about that is I now have a "Sweetie!"

Just when I think that I have "let go and let God", I'll THINK about something and realized that I haven't let go at all....now MY questions are....WHAT am I letting go of and HOW do I let go of it?

Now that both of my kids are grown and gone, I can't figure out what the heck to do with myself! For the past 28 years I have ALWAYS put MY kids BEFORE me! And now that I have no one to take care of, well it's hard to put myself first now! It's something that I've NEVER done in MY adult life and I really don't know how the heck to go about doing it! I mean REALLY! The only thing that I've wanted out of life was to take care of my kids, and keep them happy! Now that, that mission is accomplished, WHERE do I go from here? WHAT do I do now?

I keep thinking about what has been going on with me healthwise and wondering if I am doing it to myself...but how could that be?!?

It has been a SERIOUS rollercoaster ride and the ride is NOT over yet! I don't know if I'm riding up the big hill or if I'm in one of those curvy spiraling turns! Because of all that has occurred, I am back to NOT having a definitive MS diagnosis; I have to repeat EVERY test and go see a dermatologist and a rheumatologist too!

I have two tests down and God only knows how many more to go; the one I am dreading is the lumbar puncture (spinal tap) again! I had the MRI of my brain this past Wednesday, so hopefully I'll get the results tomorrow! Dr. Yee, my Neuro-Opthamologist, repeated ALL of the tests on my eyes last month and told me that not only are the results better than the tests he did in December, but I also do NOT have the eyes of a typical MSer....there is NO demylinization going on in MY eyes at all! He then said he'll see me in a year!

I am TRYING but I do NOT know HOW to LIVE like THIS!!!

THANK YOU for taking TIME out of YOUR life to read a little about MINE!
LetMeGo2 LetMeGo2
41-45, F
4 Responses Jun 5, 2011


Hi my friend.I have been where you are now recently.No doubt our situations are different but its the same as we are in the crossroad of finding ourselves.I am a giver like you and now i have to give to myself.Loving myself is a new task and its at this time my spiritual life took a new revelation.With GOD as my guide and allowing HIM to love me makes my journey so much better.God Bless.


*smiles contentedly*<br />
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Welcome back baby. =)