I'm Trying!!!I really am TRYING to learn HOW to live like THIS!
I have seriously STRUGGLED this past year and I feel like a ball of confusion about MY life now! I keep wondering WHAT to do with myself....when I have energy! So much has happened and I really don't know WHERE to START!
At one point, I was alone but NOT lonely and now I am alone and lonely too...crazy thing about that is I now have a "Sweetie!"
Just when I think that I have "let go and let God", I'll THINK about something and realized that I haven't let go at all....now MY questions are....WHAT am I letting go of and HOW do I let go of it?
Now that both of my kids are grown and gone, I can't figure out what the heck to do with myself! For the past 28 years I have ALWAYS put MY kids BEFORE me! And now that I have no one to take care of, well it's hard to put myself first now! It's something that I've NEVER done in MY adult life and I really don't know how the heck to go about doing it! I mean REALLY! The only thing that I've wanted out of life was to take care of my kids, and keep them happy! Now that, that mission is accomplished, WHERE do I go from here? WHAT do I do now?
I keep thinking about what has been going on with me healthwise and wondering if I am doing it to myself...but how could that be?!?
It has been a SERIOUS rollercoaster ride and the ride is NOT over yet! I don't know if I'm riding up the big hill or if I'm in one of those curvy spiraling turns! Because of all that has occurred, I am back to NOT having a definitive MS diagnosis; I have to repeat EVERY test and go see a dermatologist and a rheumatologist too!
I have two tests down and God only knows how many more to go; the one I am dreading is the lumbar puncture (spinal tap) again! I had the MRI of my brain this past Wednesday, so hopefully I'll get the results tomorrow! Dr. Yee, my Neuro-Opthamologist, repeated ALL of the tests on my eyes last month and told me that not only are the results better than the tests he did in December, but I also do NOT have the eyes of a typical MSer....there is NO demylinization going on in MY eyes at all! He then said he'll see me in a year!
I am TRYING but I do NOT know HOW to LIVE like THIS!!!
THANK YOU for taking TIME out of YOUR life to read a little about MINE!
LetMeGo2 41-45, F 4 Responses 1 Jun 5, 2011