I Just Don't KnowMy dad is a pastor. So I've been raised in a super Christian environment.
I yearn for those long ago days, when I was happy.
I can barely remember them now, but there are some things I can remember. I can remember childish delight and a firm belief in Christianity.
But now. I do still believe in God. I guess it's almost programmed into me. But I don't pray to God to tell him how much I love him and how much my ridiculously public displays of belief in Him just shamed all Christians. I pray to Him to tell Him how much I hate my life, and how I don't believe that He personifies love.
All the personality tests I've ever taken, for school and for fun, have always told me that I'm very logical or realistic. I like my facts. I like things that can be proved. And that's one of my biggest problems with religion. Religion is faith, faith, faith. To religious people, everything in their holy text is sacred, unquestionably true. The thing is, they need to be able to justify that to nonreligious people using FACTS. Otherwise, they just sound like nutheads.
I mean, do all of these Christians realize how crazy they sound? Every single time I surf the Internet and see posts about suicide, I inevitably see some response that looks like this:
YOU JUST NEED TO LET JESUS INTO YOUR HEART AND HE WILL MAKE IT ALL BETTER. I WAS IN THE SAME POSITION AS YOU AND I LET JESUS INTO MY LIFE AND HE MADE EVERYTHING BETTER TRUST ME HONEY JESUS IS THE WAY, THE LIFE, THE TRUTH. THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN FEEL BETTER IS TO ACCEPT JESUS AND ASK FORGIVENESS FOR YOUR SINS.
Gee, writing with Caps Lock is definitely the way to get the message across. I mean, yes, you are getting a message across. However, the message you're sending is not "Jesus is great" it's more along the lines of "I'm ignorant." And also. You can't tell someone, "Oh hey. I got religion. I felt better. Go get religion."
It's not that simple. IF people choose a religion, that's their own choice, their own journey. You yelling at them is not going to make anything better. Writing in all caps is actually very off-putting and every single time someone does that, they contribute to that image of irritating Christians who randomly show up on your doorstep to preach at you.
And I'm not just hating on Christianity. Plenty of other religions have stupid crap like that. The best example would probably be extremist Muslims, who decide that blowing up people is the way they want to promote their religion. The only reason I have so much to criticize about Christianity is because I would really like to believe in it. I would like to believe in a loving God. But I just can't. How could I possibly believe in something that so many different people have twisted and perverted to suit their own needs? You have all the different types of Orthodox Christians, you have the Catholics, you have the huge variety of Protestants. Who's right?
If anyone has any insight on this...I'd love to hear it. Please.