Religion Is Suffocating Me

The older I get, the more stifling I find religion. I was raised in the church (United Methodist), but drifted away during my teenage and college years. I came back to faith in my mid-twenties when I met the woman who was to become my wife. For the next decade I was on fire for God.

I left a good job to work in multimedia at a contemporary church. I saw more conflict in this “ministry” position than I ever had in my secular career. I became jaded by church employment and was ultimately fired from my position for changing my membership to another church.

The church my wife and I joined at this time was an Independent Baptist Church. The pastors only taught from the King James Version of the Bible. All other versions were considered perversions. Rules were strict and many. Women were inferior to men, having an alcoholic drink was verboten, and questioning the pastor’s wisdom was very close to being an unforgivable sin. Taking medications for anxiety or depression was considered unnecessary. You only had to be, “High on the Holy Spirit.” Suffice it to say, I stayed for two years as a member before having enough.

After leaving this church, I began doing a bit of research on various topics. To quote the Science Channel’s tagline I began to “Question Everything.” Such an endeavor has really changed me, and probably for the better. Education is always a good thing (hence my user name here). I am the happiest and healthiest I have been in a very long time. The only downside is that I find myself struggling with religion.

I really do not have any desire to go to church. I do not care to study the Bible. I find myself drifting away from faith, and that is a very scary thing. If I give up on faith entirely, I’m afraid of what the consequences will be. Will my wife stay married to me? Will my family drift away from me? Religion has only brought trouble into my life.
EducationFreak EducationFreak
41-45, M
2 Responses Jun 30, 2012

Loving God and loving Christianity are two very different things.

Carlee, I’m sure you are using that statement in the context of “It’s about a relationship with Jesus, not religion.” Please correct me if I am wrong though. When I was a devout believer, I often said that very same thing to others who doubted. Now that I am the one doubting, such a statement sounds a bit trite. How can you love God without using some reference book (in this case the Bible) as the basis for your beliefs? Without the Bible as your reference, which God would you even be worshipping? Doubt is not something I wanted. It has come to me after quite a few years of “contending for the faith.” There are simply too many inconsistencies in the Bible. Too many non-believers know more about the Bible than actual believers. In the circles I travel in, science is frowned on and willful ignorance is touted as knowledge. The list goes on, and so does my doubt.

I personaly meditated on it. You must understand that the Bible was written by men, not god. I think God loves us all regardless of the rules we follow. I even have given him my own little name for him (Provider.) You don't need a book, you just need a soul. That should be your refrence guide. I know I sound a little "Tree hugger-ish" but I have peace.

Don't let your fear of drifting away from faith stop you from letting it go if its only brought you trouble than your better without it just focus on the positives its made you into who you are maybe now the only faith you need is faith in yourself.