more than just "hurt", more than a cut, burn, hit. more than just "hurt". i want it to all go away. i want this life to end. so many people push me closer and closer to the edge and im already about to fall off. what they will never realize until something happens is that theyre throwing me off that cliff. theyre throwing me over the edge.
monsterwithinme monsterwithinme
18-21, F
2 Responses Nov 25, 2011

I know how you feel. This same thing is happening to me too. People just keep pushing me closer and closer to the edge and theres been times where I've almost fallen off. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. I honestly know how you feel and what you're going through...I'm battling the same thing right now too.

its like people dont realize, and they wont until its way too late

No, they don't realize. And one of these days, something is going to happen and then they'll realize what they've done but sadly, it'll be too late to be able to do anything at that point.

I've been thrown over the edge by so many people, mostly those closest to me. What kept me holding on? Nothing, I attempted suicide and I failed. I ended up in handcuffs and was taken in a police car to a mental hospital. I was put under mental health board commital and forced to take medication against my will, and I lost of lot of civil rights. I was hospitalized seven more times. I lost custody of my son, I lost my job, I lost a lot of my friends, I lost my reputation. My point being this: think clearly. Let the emotion ride over you like a wave of water. Be a pole standing firm in the water, a pole is strong and does not waver when hit with water. Don't be a little reed of grass that bends and breaks when presented with a wave of emotion. You've got a life and you've got a purpose. Only you can fulfill that purpose, only you can live your life. Giving up would make everything you've fought for until this point worthless. Keep fighting and beat the odds. Show everyone out there who told you that you would never amount to anything, that you can beat this because you are someone. I've been a self harmer for five plus years. I haven't cut or harmed myself in six months. My secret: filling that need for endorphins and emotions with something else. I use coping statements and snapping a rubber band across my wrist. It releases the endorphins that my body craves, yet it is virtually harmless. No matter what you do, just remember, you are not alone. There are people who have been there and there are people who honestly do care. Keep your head up, brighter days will come.

ive looked for the replacement things, im in therapy, im trying this and that, but...nothings working.