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Humiliated. Afraid Of Doing Really Stupid Right Now.

I was discovered, and everybody already had noticed it. And still, I had to bear ******* indirect and malicious comments, as if I was a ******* hooker. They know it: I have a crush on that ******. Because I, unconsciously, stare back to him when I Ieave the office. Just this. And I still never really talked to him.
In many ways he is a ******, because he has a craze to blatantly stare at things, and of course women too (not only that parts, but in general ways). But from what I know, this is his edge, he can't do anything closer to this. But even this way, I can't help stare at him. He is physically attractive, of course, but there is some qualities that I still can see within all this ****. That is why I still have a crush on him.
And I totally forgot the prudent thing, and now I'm ****** up. But the worst thing, which made things hurt more, is the fact that they showed some kind of prejudice towards my ethnicity (I'm asian), as if dating (or maybe just *******, for these ******* pigs) with asians was something to be shamed of, or even a ridiculous thing. As if the fact of being an asian was ridiculous.
I wouldn't ******* care for these *************, but I have to bear them everyday, in the same ******* room. And also, the crush. I don't know if I will be able to show up myself tomorrow. I'm so ashamed and depressed. This kind of judging and humiliation literally killed me.
And I have borderline tendencies (and almost sure I also have other issues) and am afraid of doing something really stupid.
fadedawaylife fadedawaylife 22-25, F 1 Response Feb 8, 2012

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When stuff like that happens I take deep breath tell my self to get over it then I hide and retreat into my shell. I have no advice:(