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I Want Out

i don't know what to do, i just don't love my husband anymore, he is so selfish on too many levels. We don't go out socially together any more, he keeps asking me to, but i refuse. Theres a whole list of reasons why I want out, but I can't bring myself to actually end it.
My family keep asking why I don't go out, I can't admit the truth to them. We have 3 kids together the eldest is approaching exams
and Im worried a separation may upset him. I definitely don't love him, I'm sure the kids realise our marriage isn't normal.
I think Im worried about the financial side, we might have to sell the house, pay off debts, rent a new place, etc. I need to do it now
while Im still relatively young. I definitely don't think theres any hope for us, heres what happed on our last family holiday

I have always known he has anger issues, but I always thought he could control himself. Our youngest, an 8 yr old was recently diagnosed with diabetes type 1, and is still getting used to the high / low blood sugar levels and the moods they create. On holiday, during a 'low' spell, my son had a tantrum and was throwing things about, my husband can't deal with his moods, so if our son lashed out, my husband would hit back - normally pushing and slapping my son to the floor. I took issue with this as he'd gone too far this time and I slapped my husband across the face. He then went for me and hit me on the side of the head, flooring me, almost knocking me out. I thought my new crown was damaged. I can't descibe the hatred I felt for him at the moment. My son witnessed it all.
I realise I'm partly at fault. The rest of the holiday was ok, but from then on, I have wanted to leave him. But I want him to move out, not me.

Other times, he shows a total lack of respect for me, like the time I dropped him off at the train station, to meet his mate for a music festival, he was getting something from his pocket and accidentally pulled out a new condom - I went mad, took it off him and screamed at him to get out of the car, expletives included. This was a few days after my 40th birthday. Unbeknown to him, I went and collected a new pet kitten I bought with the kids - he found out when he got back. They now have another festival weekend planned this June on the Isle of Wight. I wouldn't mind, but his mate is very good looking, charismatic and they always get talking to girls (I've seen photos of other girls they were chatting to at Wembley stadium) I also know that his wife allows him 'freedom' and he will encourage my husband to follow suit.

Another time, we were on a caravan holiday in Cornwall, we had only been there a day, when he goes back home with my eldest to watch his beloved below average football team. That day just happened to be my birthday! Managed to make the most of it, made friends with some other people, had a few drinks and watched kids play. I was too embarrased to admit where my husband was and that it was my birthday. Another low.... my mum was once told by a psychic that I am very strong, I guess this is what they meant.

Can anyone tell me if they would put up with a life like that, am I a mug?
breeana20 breeana20 36-40 1 Response Feb 21, 2011

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You need to go to Citizens advice and they will help you, think in your situation you can get a restraining order from him coming within at least 50 mtr of you or kids and you keep the house and they will help you sort that out to.<br />
You need to drop this jerk and concentrate on your children please feel free to message me and will help any way I can