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It's Finally Over - Never Saw It

The last nail has been hammered into my marriage of 1 year and 9 months!  I guess we were never meant for each other.  It hurts!  It hurts ALOT!  I have twin baby girls of just over a year!

I finally realised how little this marriage mean to my husband.  Instead of working on his marriage, he choose to spend the day in the garden!  Can you believe that!!!

I am tired of crying.  I am tired of waiting.  I am so empty inside.  This whole time I were still waiting for something from his side, but this said it all.  He care more about the garden than me!

This morning he didn't turn of the road we normaly take home and for a moment there I got excited.  I thought, maybe he came to his senses, maybe he's taking me out for breakfast.  Boy, how wrong can I be!  He just stopped at the cafe for bread!  I am so stupid to expect anything from him!

I am sitting here, tired, shaking, with tears building up.  There's nothing left for me to do.  I am broken!  I've been through a divorce before and I said I never want to go through it again and here I am with all that worthless feelings coming to the surface again.  It is hard to know that I am not good enough for someone.  My first husband cheated on me - I probably drove him away, just as I did now with this husband!  I feel useless, worthless, absolutely unloved!  I think maybe it is time I forget about relationships and try make it on my own!

liefie liefie 26-30, F 10 Responses Jan 5, 2009

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Hi liefie<br />
<br />
I'm sorry for your pain. I suggest though, if you'd like us to help you through this, that you provide us with more backstory. What has contributed to your anger? Why do you want to leave him?

I know the pain you feel is searing.<br />
Take a deep breath.<br />
Take a few.<br />
Now, hard as the following is to read, read it and stay calm:<br />
<br />
When you know how to make it on your own you'll be ready for a relationship.<br />
<br />
Don't be afraid.<br />
I don't know your circumstances and lots of people will tell you to think about your daughters.<br />
Think about yourself.<br />
If you take care of yourself you'll take care of your daughters.<br />
<br />
There is everything you need out there in the World.<br />
The World is a BIG PLACE<br />
The Universe cares for its children.<br />
You are one of them.<br />
Be kind to yourself.<br />
Stop beating yourself up.<br />
<br />
Read this prayer:<br />
http://tinyurl.com/3w5sw4a<br />
<br />
Randy182 and dare2love had some good advice that will work for some and not so much for others but you owe it to yourself to look into it.

I'm sorry you are so sad. This is a trying time in your life, just dealing with twins is a real drain on energy and emotions. I really think you should try to work things out. You may both be overwhelmed with the responsibility of twins, and need to make a planned date every once in a while if at all possible to work on your relationship, without kids. hugs to you

randy182 good advice that is coming from you. thanks very insightful.

You can learn to do anything. The human condition is not built to suffer and at some point we make choices.<br />
<br />
Knowing how to communicate it the key. When he needs time to reflect leave him alone. When he comes out of his cave, that may be the time. Talk and touch him as you talk to show your not a threat. Don’t make a big deal out of the conversation and act like it’s casual. Guys are not really good about serious discussions, unless it is “Corrective Action” at work. But at home that does not work so he is clueless. Act smiley and like you pass things and offer to take him out to have a coffee at starbucks.<br />
<br />
I learned a lot about my wife over coffee in my early days. Our marriage nearly ended . . . twice.<br />
<br />
But again there is always the possibility that your hubby is not willing to work with you, and he already made a decision that things won’t work out. <br />
<br />
I will give you this one piece of information. Develop a routine and stick with it. Guys like routines that he can predict. Once the routine changes, he will miss stuff, and associate you to it. Maybe it is Coffee on Saturday Morning and having talks. Or Breakfast at a favorite stop.<br />
<br />
But again it has to be a two way street. And remember this. It takes two to be a victim. If it does not work out, and it is clear, don’t be a victim. <br />
<br />
:edit: and never underestimate the power of humor. Joke about stuff that could have gone serious. <br />
Like "Oh dear god, looks like a bomb went off in the garage, is anyone hurt" if your unable to pull your car in the garage because he is working on some big project.

You know, you are absolutely right. My husband is not an emotional person, either I have to accept that or leave it. What you say about the father figure is very true. I appreciate your comment. I will try to work on it from my side and try to see his side and why he is like that... Maybe we can find some help in counseling. I cannot just leave it - it hurts too much!

Hey liefie, sorry to hear all this. You know to be honest, and this is coming from a guy, but many guys has this disconnect from dealing with emotions so what they do when they are hurt is find a corner and lie and lick their wounds. The garden is the same idea. A place to reflect. However many don't know how to deal with emotion. In many cases their role model, (Dad) probably was not the best teacher. If guys were encouraged more to be emotional, without acting famine, they would be better partners. I would like to think I am doing ok after my 17+ years of marriage. It sure was not because we 'Just' fit either. It was hard work.<br />
<br />
Good luck honestly, and if you want to talk, I am around. No games here.

oh, and it rather sound as if you need some help. You sound full of hate - your name says it all!

Thanks for that comment - did throw me a bit yeah. I guess you rather should not comment on something you know nothing about. It is not just about what I wrote, it has been coming for months. Today was just the cherry on the top of it all! I would rather not explain everything - I need to pick myself up... and my kids!

:( I wish there was something I could say to cheer you up but I dont know how. I hope you can find some strength inside to do whatever it is you need to do to find joy in your heart again. Best of luck :)