I Am Ugly and Stupid

Well i always surf on the internet about being ugly and i find people that are soooo pretty that are like prettier than the celebrities and they think they are ugly, but they are NOT and i stopped looking for people thinking that they are ugly because whenever i see them i feel more uglier i mean i'm the UGLIEST person in the whole world and you might say "be confident be  yourself feel pretty" or whatever i tried everything but i still feel UGLY AHH i wish i could die. besides i'm sooo stupid that i thought i was pretty but i wasn't. The whole time i felt people were staring at me because they think i'm pretty, but they actually stared at me in disgust and i know it because when i saw myself in the mirror i felt like fainting i hate myself as hell i just wished i could smash that mirror and stab myself all the time i felt i was beautiful and i was as ugly as a monster and more uglier than a monster i hate myself i'm stupid i just take As so my parents will be proud umm and i actually USED to take these grades when i THOUGHT i was pretty ( which was NOT NOT NOT ) and now when i discovered that i was a monster, i don't study alot and my exams are pretty soon and i don't have the feeling to study i just want to stay in my bed aloneeee forever till i die.

EverythingBreaks EverythingBreaks
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 14, 2009

You know, I have worked with some REALLY ugly (physically) people and they have lots of friends and know how to relate to people, and after a while, you just forget what they look like. Unfortunately when you feel ugly inside, you will portray yourself that way. It really is all about self-confidence. I can't say much about that, because I don't have any either and its easy to say "Just pretend" or " if you act confident, you will be confident" or any of the other things people tell you to do. I did do an experiment one time - a long time ago - I was always sad, so I forced myself to act cheerful and made a point of smiling at everyone I saw and making eye contact. It helped, but boy was it hard! Sometimes I feel like an actress in my own movie, but I have no control over the plot or any knowledge of what will happen. One shrink told me "This is America, just take a pill!" Medications do help to some extent, but I really believe that people pretty much are what they are.