Exploring My Sub Side

For most of my life I have hidden my sub side. In many ways I still do.

When I first started to read about D/s I was amazed to find I thought of myself as sub. I began to talk to people on-line and met several. Each had his own style and some I worked well with and others, not so much.

My first real Dom was amazing. He explored a lot of areas with me...well, he introduced me to a lot of areas. He took things slow and let me grow into who I was as well as molding me into what he wanted me to be. I enjoyed all he taught me, but was looking for more.

I met another Dom/disciplinarian, Sir, who filled in the missing pieces of my life. He spanked until it hurt, and then some, and I discovered what I needed and wanted. The very first day I met him I knew there was something there that I had never had in my life before. When we began to have sessions or play I realized I liked to be marked, and I loved to be spanked. I, as odd as it sounds, like the switch. Being switched while leaning over the wood pile, in a scenic cabin setting has got to be one of my all time favorite memories. The belt is a favorite as well. I like all aspects of that. The leather feel and smell, the crack, whistle and smack sounds. The sting and the resulting marks and bruises all are a combination that can't be described. An OTK spanking has to be my , pardon the pun,  hands down favorite. It is such an intimate feeling to have Sir spank me. I never know when or where the blows will fall or how many in a row.

I ended my D/s relationship to get married and while he knew I was sub he never understood it and could not be a Dom with me. I just never even saw him as Dom. When the marriage ended I let all my old friends know and Sir got back in touch...and IN TOUCH!!!

The hardest thing for me is to be vocal. Sir says we will work on that. I prefer being stoic and taking it until I really HAVE to say something. Sir prefers that I say things...like, "ouch", "I promise I will be good" or begging. We do not have "safe" words to indicate when I think we should stop as a good relationship is based on trust and I trust Sir to be able to read me well enough to know when I have really had enough.

I find it so amazing that I can let go and trust like I do when I am with Sir. I do not even think twice (okay, sometimes I do) about anything he asks me to do. I know he will not hurt me in any real sense of the word. He will not embarrass me around people I know, and he will not do anything I really have qualms about. No one has ever respected me enough to take all those things into consideration before and it just makes the relationship that much stronger.

We have not been together long this time (and only about a year the first time) but it is as if we were never apart. We are expanding my horizons still, and I take great pride and pleasure in exploring my sub side.

ThankYouSir ThankYouSir
41-45, F
3 Responses Feb 17, 2009

Thanks for sharing!

Wonderful story, so many people fail to realize their true natures, bured under decades of social programming and striving to conform. It's so great you discovered your true happiness. I'm happy for you.

very nice story...thank you for sharing.