Sometimes Too Submissive

I have the personality of a submissive. When put under pressure, I submit; when put on the spot, I submit; when asked to do something, even if it is something I do not want to do, I submit. I was taught this from my father, and it has stuck with me. I am in a relationship in which I have submitted to my mate and he watches over and controls me (based on guidelines the he and I have both set). Our relationship works best in this way and I am very happy with it. However, I have problems NOT submitting to other people (no, not in a sexual way, just in a commanding way.) For example; if someone asks me to cook them something, even if I have homework to do, a house to clean, work to do, and plans of my own, I will drop everything and make them supper. My mate claims that this is not a good thing, and I agree with him. Even though he hasn't shown that my submissive ways upset him, I can tell he doesn't like it when other people hold control over me when he is supposed to be the only one to be able to do that. I do not want to be under any one else's control except for him. I'm not sure how to break this habit and I want to so badly. I want to be seen as a strong and independent person to anyone else except my mate, he is the only one that is supposed to know who I really am, inside and out. How am I supposed to break this habit though? Any ideas?
Aydasha5 Aydasha5
18-21, F
26 Responses Jul 26, 2010

TEMPOLTON is right,, use your mans strength to strengthen yourself. it sounds as if your man is loving, and a caring dom.

If you submit to hi. And he does not aprove of you submiting to others then you are DISOBEYING HIM when you do. Use HIS strenght anc your love for him to do what is rite.

hehehe, nothing is wrong with it :P. I just personally wouldn't be able to deal with it. I can barely take care of myself, let alone a completely different person that is relying on me to take care of them too lol.

I'm the type of person that can't stand a boy who needs a mother figure and relies on his girlfriend/wife/partner to be that for him. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much, it's nothing against the guy, I just don't think I'd like to take care of a guy and make all the decisions for him (like you said it would get annoying :P). <br />
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How are things going between you and Troy anyway?

I use to be really submissive, i'd drop anything and everything for my ex Sean, i was 16/17 at the time. After Sean left when i was 18 and my heart was broken by another guy, David, i learned that taking and getting what I want is fun. So now I have this weird, upside down and backwards life style where I submit to one guy, Troy and I use to control my other guy Sean, long story behind all of that. Troy and I were kind of the same way you and your man are where he makes all of the big decisions, we do talk about them first but its his choice whether or not to do it in the end. Troy knows what he wants in life and its really hard for him to get it but I know one day he will get there. Sean on the other hand, thank god hes close enough to out of my life, is very childish and needs a mother figure to tell him exactly what to do and when to do it, its really annoying to say the least.

Hahaha, I don't think I have the skills to "kill them with kindness" the way you do Marji :). I'll have to learn from you I suppose hehe. <br />
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They think I'm a push over I suppose? I'm not honestly sure. One of the people the continued to ask things of me is no longer welcomed around because of some things he did (I'll have to tell you the story sometime). So that's one less person to worry about. I'll get there! :D

So true Marji, so very very true. I've gotten better at being "bitchy" with people who tell me to do something rather than ask. I'm getting there :). I've come a pretty long way in the past few months and I'm proud of myself. Like you said, practice makes perfect :). My man loves me, but he told me that he doesn't want to fight my battles for me because I need to learn to stand up for myself. He said that he doesn't mind to stand up for me if I ask him to, but that he wants me to learn how not to be scared to confront people and deal with my problems. I agree with him...but it's soooo scary!

@Candy--Oh I know! When I joined this group I ended up blocking probably 15 people because they were on here for one reason and one reason only and I didn't want that. <br />
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@Joltino-- Ah, that sounds like good advice. I've gotten better at saying no to other people ^.^ so I think all this advice is really paying off. Thanks! :D

i kinda understand where your getting at. My advice? (it took a while to think of it since the belt idea sounded good...) Train yourself to say no by asking someone other than your partner to give you and order/request/whatever. It might help :3<br />
Also, I really hope you achieve your goal! I'm rooting for you! =^w^=

Im glad to hear that,... But hey watch out for some of the weirdos and creepers on here, their are alot.

Thanks so much :). Don't worry, I keep him in line just as much as he keeps me in line ;) hehe. We're a team. He usually makes the bigger decisions because I'm not comfortable making them, but we always discuss them before a decision is made :). Thanks for caring so much, it means a lot. Not many people would have approached me the way you did about all of this, I admire you and respect you for that :).

okay..... well, I feel better in my heart now, even tho i dont even know u, I just was under thee assumption that this is all you felt you knew so u just went back into it, because maybe you didnt care about yourself. If you say you are happy and this is what works for you than I just hope things stay the same for you, i just hope it doesnt get to out of control. You really touched me after reading your stories, You do seem very intelligent for your age so, i just hope u the best, I hope he takes good care of you, and gives you all the love u need and deserve. Good Luck : )

Ms. Candyka, I completely agree with you that I shouldn't allow another man to rule my life the way my father did in my childhood and I can promise you and assure you that I mostly certainly will NEVER allow that to happen again. The truth is though, I do enjoy being a submissive. I'm good at it, I like it, I'm successful at it, and I get a sense of pride when I do something just right. I do not allow random men to rule over me, quite the opposite actually. I was a very independent and dominant young woman in high school, no guy was able to call me his girlfriend, or anything along those lines because I would never allow it. I never thought I would go back to being a submissive because, you're right, after what I've been through I shouldn't want to go back to that way of living, I deserved better. However, I found someone that treated me like the independent and dominant woman that I am. He loves me, cherishes me, wants to make me happy, and treats me like I'm his pride and joy. He won my heart before I ever submitted to him. He has never demanded me to submit to him and he doesn't treat me as if I'm unworthy of his presence. We talked things out before we ever decided to even enter this sort of lifestyle. He knew what I had been through and he didn't want to hurt me or watch me crumble under him because of my past. I deserve this man, I deserve his love, and so we both do things to keep the other happy. I want this lifestyle, not because my father forced it on me (though if it wouldn't had been for him I would have never been introduced into this lifestyle at such a young age), but because it makes my mate and I happy. It's what works for us, and he keeps me safe. <br />
I understand your concerns, really I do, but I hope you can understand me a little better and know that I am mature enough and level headed enough to make these decisions on my own. No one has forced me back into this lifestyle...this time I chose it for myself.

She was raised to be submissive to men, she doesnt know any different, or better. I understand that, some people like to live their life that way. I hate to butt into peoples lives but after all her stories that i have read i feel i needed to say something and let her know that she is worth it, that she is worth more than being someones slave. I can understand that people get into this lifestyle and are perfectly happy with it. But i dont think after everything she has been threw, that she is mature enough or level headed enough to make a decision like that, she just does what people tell her to do. Because that is all she knows, i just want to tell her that she is special and she deserves to feel special. But i dunno, if she is happy and knows that this lifestyle is really and truly what she wants, and it makes her feel good then so be it. I just really realllllllllllly hate to sit back and watch someone, (especially a girl that has been threw hell) be used and not allowed to be her own person..... ahh i dunno, she just reminds me alot of my sister and i want more for her... even tho i barely know her.

ahh, this breaks my heart after reading all your stories then comeing to see this story about you being a submissive person...... you said this is how your father has made you, please dont give him that power! my sister is also a submissive person, and i am the COMPLETE OPPOSITE! of that im a woman and i run the show at my house, and this KILLLLLLLS men who think they are better then women, to see an independant, sucessful, woman, doing whatever i want to do in my life. I have so much respect for you and i admired your strength for comeing on here and shareing what you have endured threw your childhood. WHY? please tell me why?????? allow another man to rule and run your life? honey you are worth so much more! These people prey on the weak! listen to some of their comments, they are CREEPS! absolute CREEPS!! listening to how they talk to you makes my skin crawl............... you are to beautiful and to precious to put your life in another persons hands, after reading your stories i can see that you are rare, you are beautiful and intelligent, you need to heal, ................ im sorry i just go into protective mode when i see someone who i feel needs protection,

ahh, this breaks my heart after reading all your stories then comeing to see this story about you being a submissive person...... you said this is how your father has made you, please dont give him that power! my sister is also a submissive person, and i am the COMPLETE OPPOSITE! of that im a woman and i run the show at my house, and this KILLLLLLLS men who think they are better then women, to see an independant, sucessful, woman, doing whatever i want to do in my life. I have so much respect for you and i admired your strength for comeing on here and shareing what you have endured threw your childhood. WHY? please tell me why?????? allow another man to rule and run your life? honey you are worth so much more! These people prey on the weak! listen to some of their comments, they are CREEPS! absolute CREEPS!! listening to how they talk to you makes my skin crawl............... you are to beautiful and to precious to put your life in another persons hands, after reading your stories i can see that you are rare, you are beautiful and intelligent, you need to heal, ................ im sorry i just go into protective mode when i see someone who i feel needs protection,

ahh, this breaks my heart after reading all your stories then comeing to see this story about you being a submissive person...... you said this is how your father has made you, please dont give him that power! my sister is also a submissive person, and i am the COMPLETE OPPOSITE! of that im a woman and i run the show at my house, and this KILLLLLLLS men who think they are better then women, to see an independant, sucessful, woman, doing whatever i want to do in my life. I have so much respect for you and i admired your strength for comeing on here and shareing what you have endured threw your childhood. WHY? please tell me why?????? allow another man to rule and run your life? honey you are worth so much more! These people prey on the weak! listen to some of their comments, they are CREEPS! absolute CREEPS!! listening to how they talk to you makes my skin crawl............... you are to beautiful and to precious to put your life in another persons hands, after reading your stories i can see that you are rare, you are beautiful and intelligent, you need to heal, ................ im sorry i just go into protective mode when i see someone who i feel needs protection,

lol...I'm not even going to answer that :P. And he would have to choose to talk to you I suppose. He generally stays away from EP so that I can have my space.

Then you'll have to convince him of moving, not me :P.

Eh, I may be submissive, but I generally don't just move without my mate's permission :P. Besides, I go where he goes :)

Thank you :) *hugs tight!*

Ah, that's another thing I never thought about either! Okay, it's final, I need to sit myself down and have an intervention with myself! Things must change and I am ready to make those changes! :) Thanks for the advice!

*smiles* Thank you for the advice. I think you're right, asking for permission about the little things would help me submit to him fully when it comes to bigger situations. I'll have to give it a try :). Thanks again!

Remember that submission is within you, just because he may not give you all the structure you need right now doesn't mean that you can't submit to him tottally. Ask permission always even if it's just to go to the potty, refuse to do it without. Tell him you must have it. Quit deciding things for yourself, the last descision you need to make it to serve him. Good luck.

*nods* Thank you for your advice.

I'll talk to my mate about that and hopefully get everything straightened out ^.^. Thanks for the advice!