A Natural Next Step: And It's A Doozy!

I've known for years that I am submissive. Check, got that one. It's the consensual slavery bit that took me by surprise. It's only recently that the concept of consensual slavery has even somewhat solidified in my mind. Looking back at my childhood and adolescent fantasies, and my current desires, it's fairly obvious to me now that consensual slavery would be a natural next step for me.
      I am finally beginning to live some of my fantasies and act on the desires I've had for so long. The desires that I tried to suppress because they weren't in my life plan and didn't fit with what was expected of me by my family, friends or even by me. It's been a freeing and eye opening experience and it's not even close to being over. Finally being able to experience those things I've only been thinking, and fantasizing, about is exciting and a relief. It's scary and comfortable and like coming home and visiting a foreign land all at the same time. It's exhausting to say the least and yet, at the same time, it's invigorating. With the emotional and mental upheavals (I'm shaking up my world and changing plans that have been laid out for more than a decade) I am trying my very best to keep good sense and logic involved but I tell you, it's not easy. Sometimes I lose focus and just float, which is not exactly helpful even if it is easy. At these times something will happen that will snap me out of my daze. Something as simple as looking at myself in the mirror, actually *seeing* myself for the first time in a week and not completely recognizing the person looking back at me. (That's a shocker, let me tell you! lol) Fear causing instances like this are the times when I pull back, mentally and emotionally, and try desperately to put perspective and logic back into the equation. It's unsettling though when I keep coming back to the same conclusions no matter how I look at the situation. It makes me question my judgement and it makes me question if something this wonderful, while not perfect, could really be possible. Can this really work in the long term? Will it really work out? Life is risky, no doubt about it, however, like many have said before, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." I am not a risk taker (Unfortunate? Maybe. We'll see.) so I'll creep out over the edge and climb down instead of leaping headlong into the unknown and hoping for the best. And then again, I'm not so foolish as to think that there will not come a time that I will have to jump. Hopefully, when that time comes I'll have the wisdom, strength, courage and audacity to take that leap and be okay if I fall flat on my face. However, I have a feeling it will be a soft landing and worth the uncertainty. (At which point I have to laugh at my own optimism and continue on even though I'm fairly sure I'm blind as a bat and everyone but me can see the upcoming outcome, good, bad or indifferent. *scolds self* Have a little faith in yourself, you're not an idiot after all!)


Note: I originally posted this in I am a Consensual Slave but I think it fits here too.
ACuriousStudent ACuriousStudent
26-30, F
3 Responses Sep 18, 2012

Caution is the best thing right now.Think of many things. Has it crossed your mind about being aa sister wife?

You know its really ok not knowing how all this is going to turn out. I think some times people get to caught up in what they think they want that they miss out on what they really needed. I didn't know what direction to go until I had someone help me through it years back. I certainly had ideas but nothing to the extent of who I am today. Keep learning and let your trust out slowly. There will be ups and downs.. just give yourself every opportunity to have more ups then downs. :)

Thank you for the advice and the encouragement:-) And I'm glad you have found happiness, that is always great to hear.

I understand this; I had always known that I needed something different from many of my friends, but could not put into words or label what it was when I was younger. I think that is true of many women who have the soul of a submissive. I agree that this was well written.

Thank you for your understanding and the compliment, it's kind of you to say:-)