So, Growing Up Being Taught This Was Wrong...

I was taught, coming from a very Christan background, that this way of life was wrong. My (now deceased) husband, showed me what I needed, taught me who I truly was. With his help, and the help of a dear friend (whom we shall call B in this...) I learned who I am is not wrong, its who I am.

I am a 28 year old single mom. My husband, (mentioned above) passed 4 yrs ago this upcoming January. Ive sought and searched to find a place where I belong, who accepts ME, and not judge for who I am... this lead me to a google search, which lead me here.

Sadly, being a single mom, I usually can only live who I truly am at night...and finding someone who understands and accepts? Its difficult.

I live in a small community. All but one or two friends? Have no idea I am the way I am. My family? Totally in the dark. I would never tell them... hell, it took them 28 yrs to discover I am bisexual. I probably wont tell them this... if ever... for another 20 years. No need to give mom a heart attack, you get me?

So now, I am owner-less, and lost. Ive tried Vanilla relationships, that have always ended quickly, because they didnt give me what I needed...

So... here I am. This is who I am. And by God? Ive come this far, and will not be changing any time soon.

Hopefully, in finding others like me, I can start to go forward... and finally, truly, find me.

~BlueEyes
BlueEyeSubColorado BlueEyeSubColorado
26-30, F
4 Responses Dec 2, 2012

Oh.. how much i understand you!
i'm in the same situation but thanks God, my Wife is near me and help me alot, understanding me.

Best wishes Blue, for the future!

Thank you, both. This has been a new form of coming out for me... Not all of my family knows about my being bisexual... and maybe 2-3 people who know me IRL know this side of me. Its been hard, but I truly am glad and blessed to have found a place that will accept me. :)

I understand where you are coming from; I have always known I was different when it came to relationships but I simply did not know the term for it long ago.

Vanilla relationships can't match the depth and connection that D/s brings to the table for me. It is a unique bond that is hard to explain to those who don't identify with one end of the scale or the other.

Do not worry about sharing this side of you with your friends and family. I find that my D/s friends are very discreet (most have to be) as am I when it comes to discussing this topic. For me, it is on a need to know basis and not many people need to know ;-)

I'm glad you didn't give up on who you are. Suppressing a part of you that makes you happy is never good. I see people from every walk of life in this lifestyle. Some hide it from family members and some are lucky enough that they don't have to. But I'm with you.. I don't share it with my family either. But I am lucky enough to have plenty of friends who know and are also in the lifestyle.

A small community does make it hard. Less outlets for you. For that I am sorry. But please keep looking locally because you never know who else out there might be kinky :) Until then.. welcome to EP.. there is a nice group of us here to chat with. :)