Re-posting An Entry I Made to Another Group In Ep

F rom sexless to ******.................

In a strange way an encounter I had here on EP provided a stimulus for me that lead to some intimacy for us.

I have always had erotic fantasies that revolve around being a submissive.  Some involve elements of BDSM, others have just been my husband or other "having their way with me".

Fast forward to EP. 

My husband gave me the link for EP, encouraged me to join, as he encouraged me to join Alt.com in the past and left it at that...no further encouragement.  He knows I am a ponderer and that I would not be able to resist checking and re-checking in on the site until I joined.

One of my initial contacts here and I have had co-respondance via EP email and for some strange reason I brought up Gorean/Gor in the conversations.

Long story short I shared the chain of conversation with my husband and he was not only open but pursued the thoughts with me. 

I've had to confront that no matter how feminist, and man hating, elements and some people in the world are, I am a submissive, and it is a good thing.  It is far from dehumanizing, degrading, or even sexist.  It is who and what I am so feminism be damned already!

This might be considered remarkable as I had an uncle molest me as a child, (no penetration but traumatic none the less), and have survived two attempted rapes as an adult...one of them being a "date rape" scenario.

This said...my husband has been gentle and held back not wanting to hurt, harm, or in any way traumatize me into feeling like a victim, door mat or abused.

In past situations (that I did not know were D/s at the time) I was aroused but confused by it all...I should be mad as hell dammit! Who the hell does this guy think he is!!!

I could have kept the email exchange here in EP a secret but I love my husband and respect him.  I also guard our relationship as does he....so I ensure he knows what I am up to.  Submissiveness again?

Talking about it opened up a dialogue and my husband pretty much knew everything anyway...He also knew about my fascination and attraction to Gorean slavery, and is knowledgeable as to the practice right down to small details.

I will save the details and get to the results.

We have both been sexual, and I have been submissive and it has lead to some intense *******!  I have never climaxed as powerfully or as incredible as I did this past weekend and have the laundry to prove it!  LOL

So there may be some encouragement here for some....

I had to confront myself and come to terms with what I am and the world be damned.  In doing so I also had to be totally truthful and open to my husband so that he could understand me and be what I needed.

Submissiveness is NOT being a door mat.

The Dom/Master/Daddy/Sir has a huge responsibility to the submissive. He must know her triggers and ignite them. He must see that ALL of her needs are met and then He feeds off her soul similar to the vampire for lack of a better word.

My husband feeds off my soul, lust, libido, and that in turn turns him on and sets his libido on fire. This way we both feed off each other.

I get hot knowing he knows me intimately and deeper than everyone else, and I have to put complete trust in him. There are no secrets.

When he sees me aroused or knows I am thinking of sex then it "feeds his Frankenstein" and the "monster" grows. This means that the next stop on the train is ****** CENTRAL!

It is one thing for him to hear from other men and women that I am hot or sexy, but something more when he feels that I know this as well. My confidence can be far more erotic than the TnA I possess.

Being submissive does NOT mean I become a mindless wimp either. It means I am confident, and that I have courage, and strength.

Ideally husbands and wives should submit to each other, rather than competing for the pants in the family. Compliment and complete each other, and be willing to leave the comfort zone where it feels safe.

I have found that admitting my submissiveness was one of the hardest things I have done, but confronting it and taking an honest look at myself was incredibly liberating!!!

There is now my reward for confronting my submissiveness and allowing myself the freedom to be what I am. My house is now at peace, I am way more relaxed, and better yet the relationship between my husband and I is exciting, fun, and gaining strength again!!!!

Oh... and the ******* aren't bad either *wink* ;)

Seanachai Seanachai
36-40, F
1 Response Mar 11, 2009

you are he are both very wise.<br />
<br />
the submissive learns what complete surrender to a lover is. It is required from both in such a very complete and special way.