I Really Am

It's not that I treat others so badly.  Actually, I'm fairly considerate of others.  But I feel like my life is turning into a train wreck.  I feel so stupid while I do the stuff I do.  It's not that I'm not smart.  I'm just not dealing so well with my emotions anymore.  Crazy people usually don't know they're going crazy, but maybe I'm an exception.  And I don't think I'm ever going to be well again.

Y'all can't help me, because that's the way I want it.  Tonight I'm going to stand up in front of a crowd of people and they're all going to think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.  And if anyone in that crowd asked me, "Are you OK?" I'd say "Sure."

But if any of them asked me, "Are you messed up?," I'd have to truthfully answer, "You bet your *** I am."

My wife wonders if I have a drinking problem.  I wish I did; it'd be easier to deal with.  I drink too much because it helps a little, but only a little.

But I'm not blaming anyone but me.

romanticidiot romanticidiot
46-50, M
4 Responses Mar 18, 2009

I haven't heard anyone sum up the way I've been feeling. Thanks

Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son. Suck it up and be a man. Quit drinking. Don't beat the wife or kick the dog. I mean it! How manly is that? Get some ADOA treatment and get your **** together, man. And cut that romanticidiot **** out. Makes you sound like a damn girl!

Thanks, Ocelia.

don't know what to say. i just relate.