I've been feeling quite depressed for a while now. I'd stopped talking to people about my problems.
At one point I was opening up to people about way too much and I really regret it now. I'm always positive outside closed doors and a lot of days I feel great but every so often something keeps bringing me down.
I just can't seem to open up to my friends and family about it. I keep telling myself I would never take my own life. I get suicidal urges regularly. I don't want to die... But I'm afraid of snapping?

I've never flipped out at anything and I got bullied really badly at school. Never best anyone up or anything. I always bounced back in a very short time but this time around I've really been hurting alone.

Sure I could blame other people but the blame is on me too. I really want to be happy again. But I just have no motivation. One of my friends was suicidal the other day and I did everything I could to help her and I did.

But I just don't want to work anymore. I don't goto gym. I've gained 15 kilos this year and overall I just feel like I'm falling apart.

I was so happy and positive a couple years ago and for one reason or another things just went down hill. I don't a mental problem or whatever it is.

I can't even post a negative thing on fb anymore this little voice in my head just keeps saying no one really cares people that care are just caring in general not because it's me!!!....

I've got anxiety and chest pains. The anxiety isn't treated but I checked the chest pains at hospital and the doctors said I'm okay.

I don't even know if I can post this! I often type things up then delete them. But no one knows me here so I guess it's okay.
I'm just sick of hurting I wanna be that strong guy I use to be.

I keep living with regret and I know I shouldn't! I know time heals all wounds I know I'm lucky for everything I have I know things get better but I just can't shake this. It won't stop torturing me.
SecretBoyBrian SecretBoyBrian
2 Responses Aug 29, 2014

How are you doing now? Any better?I hope so! I also don't post thing/tell my friends and family what's going on. It's not good. I'm so thankful to have found this site! :)
I truly am interested in seeing how you are feeling now, though.

I literally posted an experience about 10 seconds ago about my depression :/ I forgot I even posted this one wow lol. It's taking me so long to bounce back...

Thank you so much for caring though!

Holy crap I can't believe it's been so long!

This may sound strange - but do consider Chinese Herbs to balance your body/mind/soul.
If you have local Acupuncturist - with herbs seek them out.
All our aspects of sleep/diet/work/stress...... can take it's toll out on body QI (energy)
With regrets - forgive you and the situation that is at play.
Also catch your mind when you mull over this. You no longer have to be at cause. It is the past, the past is gone.
Doing this you rob you of now. Life is now, this is the present moment, then the next.
Quote for you:
Be gentle with yourself.
If you will not be your own unconditional friend, who will be?
If you are playing an opponent and you are also opposing yourself-you are going to be outnumbered. Dan Millman