Heartbroken In Austria..

Hey everyone, its been a long long time since i posted something online. I kinda thought that i had learned the lessons of the past, worked a lot on myself and hoped to find a meaningful relashionship, filled with romance, love and understanding since my last heartbreak.

I am a very strong man, but when it comes to matters of the heart, i just give myself completely ( thus leaving me very vulnerable ) or not at all.. I am 34, a nice interesting guy with a lot of passion for life and anything new that comes my way.. I like to discover new things, places, people.. and i have been in and out of relashionships for the past 5 years now.

My last girlfriend, whom i stayed with for 2,5 years, really did a number on me.. We were in a very passionate but weird relashionship.. she had a lot of issues with her dad and could not let go entirely in her life with me.. there was always a problem, always some form of distance.. and no matter how much i tried, she just kept closing herself in a shell until she decided that she needed space and time to breath.. That relashionship really hurt me because i had invested so much of myself in it, in her.. I tried my best to keep her happy, and for some reason, it was never enough.. she wanted more and more and more.. without giving anything back in return.. When we broke up, she moved away and i came to her city to try one last time and work things out between us. It was too late for salvaging anything from our relashionship, she had moved on in her mind and in here heart and seeing it with my own eyes was what i needed to start getting over this story.

That was about 5 years ago.. From that time to today, i was in many stories with many different girls, but none really made me feel " love " or "passion ".. Most of those stories were passing through the night, weeks or months, but never gave me the feeling of wanting to pursue something serious.

About 5 months ago, I met this girl, she is a doctor and a work colleague of some of my friends.. We had a one night thing and we met again after a few weeks .. From there, things moved quite fast and i felt that i was opening up again for the first time after 5 years.. its felt really great.. i started off slow, talked to her about everything, asking her if she wanted to take it really slow or just dive into something that felt amazing.. She told me that she didn't know but everyday that passed was simply better that the last one.. We couldn't spend a day without seeing each other, texting each other or sleeping in eachother's arms.. I had never felt like this in the past 5 years and really thought it would be an amazing story..

In terms of her mentality, she kept saying that she cared a lot about me, that she had never spent too much time writing to one single person like me.. that she never felt the need to be with someone so often like she did with me.. It felt awesome.. Then one day, for her birthday, i decided to make her a very romantic present.. Since she likes butterflies so much, i decorated her room with 100 colorful butterflies and let her come back to discover them after here night shift at the hospital..

She hated it .. and we kinda had a very small argument about it.. i just tried to understand how she felt and the more i tried to understand, the more she felt like I was intruding on her personal space, the place that no man was allowed to come too close to.. she told me that she was very scared about these feelings and did not know how to handle them.. that she felt like running way but that she cared too much about me to just do that..

A few days later, i left to spend Christmas with my family and for the first days, everything was going great.. then suddently her messages got colder, very distant.. When i asked her if everything was going ok, she told me that she felt very weird and that she felt we were too different to be together.. Basically breaking up with me without even calling me.. talking to me over the phone or anything.. I decided to give her a couple of days to reconsider and when i came back in town, i told here that i would have liked to start everything from scratch again.. that whatever she was feeling, we could talk about it and find a way out of it.. but she simply did not want to hear anything i had to say.. her decision was made and irrevocable.. She told all our common friends that she didn't feel she could be with me anymore because of our differences and that she had made up here mind and it was final..

When i asked her about it, she just said that it was a feeling, something she could not explain.. but something she was sure about.. she was sure that she felt better without me now.. even if she could not explain the how nor the why..

That made me feel so sad.. mostly because i thought everything was going well between us and also because i really cared about this girl..

Does anybody have any advice or ideas about this and how I could make things better?

An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 11, 2013

Honestly, you need to accept it, let her go, and move on. This is about feeling with the head and thinking with the heart. She's sure. There's no rational explanation. Just time to move forward. Sorry to say.

Hey Max, you are right and i totally agree with you. A little bit over a month has passed and I feel much better. I think the initial slap in the face without any explanation was very hard to swallow, but eventually, time makes everything better and heals everything. Personally, i found that breaking the routing and experiencing new things with friends is a fantastic remedy to a broken heart. Just goout, force yourself to have fun, enjoy everyday like it was a new one and thngs will get easier eventually :). Feelings never go away, but you definately learn to understand them in time. And once you have, then dealing with them gets much much easier. ;)

Good to hear!