I Have Broken My Own Heart

At first, I used to think that I wasn't worthy of being loved, let alone liked by men. You know, the whole notion that men are out to get me, or that all men are the same. I was insecure; I felt worthless and far from confident. In retrospect, I've done things that might have looked like I had no respect for myself looking from the outside. For example, if there was a man I was interested in, I had a reoccurring mistake of sleeping with him too soon. Insecurity enabled me to put myself in that position.

As time went on, I realized that these men aren't breaking my heart; I am breaking my heart. Me. Myself. Me, because I chose to give people the power to take advantage of me. I put myself in these self-destructive positions. Sigh. I'm still learning, though.

In recent times, I've decided to go celibate and slow down on the dating scene. I am still very much interested in a man whom I've slept with multiple times. The tricky part is that I'm unsure of his intentions. He never pressures me for anything and overall has a good heart...I hope.

Oh, well. To wrap this up, I've learned that no one will respect me if I don't respect MYSELF first.
TrulyMadlyDeeplyDo TrulyMadlyDeeplyDo
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 16, 2013

Yes I truly break my own heart,I have and internal fear,hurt,chip,all around nothings good enough,helpless feeling inside of me,I say this to whoever will read it with honesty,I keep breaking my heart ,I love the women,I just can't seem to find one that is willing to understand that there are difficult times and im not perfect I do get upset with reason,one accident ruined my T.V acted like it was nothing and was rude to me so I told her to leaveand after that jeeez my heart was broken I realized how much I actually loved the women I loved her so much and again I broke my own heart because I had her leave now.she wants nothing to do with me.P.S If it wasn't for th reason that I got hit by a truck on my bicycle and wasnt bed rested from stress and pain I dont think I would've acted that way except I did I seem to keep breaking my own heart so there it is not even a fraction of my life I'd be better of writing a book and selling it befor putting it all on heere for someone else to sell it Best Wishes to all