He Finally Emailed Me

So here I am confuse and mostly heartbroken. Yesterday my former fiancé emailed me saying how he remembered yesterday because a year ago I went through something that marked our relationship...he just wanted to let me know how strong and resilience I was that day. He hasn't gotten in touch with me for 2 months. His email was a shock to me...my answer was short and didn't really say much back. Then he emailed me saying how sorry he was for everything that happened...he felt bad for being cold in the last email. My response was that...things felt apart and to not worry. I always thought that if he ever emailed me I would write him a long email asking why...and if he still loved me but all I wanted is for him not to email me again as much as it hurt. The reason is because he said enough when he left...I was terrify that my heart will possibly do everything to get the man who refused to marry me back. His reasons for leaving this relationship was because I was just not the one. I am glad he is sorry but it just does t cut it for me. The email I sent him was short and a part of me hoped he would email me back saying please take me back but I think he wanted closure...he wanted to mend things with his past to move forward. Crazy enough I gave it him just because as much as my heart desires otherwise I can't talk to him right now...I can't write him another email and not tell him how much I still love him...how much I still want him in my life after everything that's happened. I stood strong last night and buried him a little deeper...I don't want to hate him because he was a big part of my life but I don't think I can stand emailing back and forth. I honestly don't know how I did that...I miss him terribly now and wish somehow I had emailed me and left an open ended question that will lead into him answering and maybe just maybe he will finally say he realizes what he has lost. But I made sure that the response close all those possibilities...for now. I keep saying I did the right thing....I love me a little more then I did two months ago...and if he really wanted me back he would have said it. But he didn't...I feel like he wanted closure...and because I love him dearly I have it to him...but now I am heartbroken all over again. Wishing somehow he will do everything in his power to take me back...he will move mountain and earth to beg me to take him back but he won't. And that just breaks me even more. I don't know if I can do this any longer....
carla788 carla788
22-25, F
3 Responses Jun 4, 2013

I'm going through this at the moment. I just feel like I always need to talk to my ex about everything and always want him to contact me. I have to stop myself from texting him or calling him all the time. Other times he will call or text first but I don't get what I want out of him and it hurts soooo much. He changes his mind every five minutes as to whether he wants to talk to me, be friends with me or be with me again but as soon as I bring it up, he doesn't wanna talk about it. Dwelling on all the memories we had and the feelings I still have, kills me everyday and I don't know how to move on yet. Hes not the best person, in fact he didn't treat me that great, but the feelings are so strong for him :(

I am in the same situation what you are , apart from emailing each other. Very often I wanna get my ex fiance back ,text him ,hear his voice but I know after what he has done to me it's not gonna help and I will suffer even more .I am telling myself "How you can think about taking someone back who hurt you so deeply"

The feeling I think will never go away because we were in love and thought of a future with them. I don't know how I can possibly forgive him...even though this was his first attempt to say I'm sorry...it just didn't seem enough...but even though that was the case I still wanted him back...I been thinking about him non stop and I even composed another emailed asking why and how did this all fall apart...asking why he said the things he did to me...why he made me feel like I was the reason why he left...but I know I will probably never send it because I am terrify of getting closure...bc then it will really mean that we both have to move forward and that terrifies me. I'm sorry you are also going through this...no one really understand what it feels when your fiancé the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life decides to pack up and leave...only the people that have gone through understand the pain and the heartbreak one goes through....hope you are feeling a little better me...please keep us posted...and of course if you ever need someone to talk to...I am here...

Just say what you mean.. You never know when it could be the last time.

I wish it were that easy....he broke me into pieces...and I am still not whole because of him...this is a lot to take in...