Always the Friend

You know all those movies about teenagers who are best friends, and think of each other as brother and sister and the guy has a girl friend, or girl has a boyfriend. Then theres a huge dilemma with miscommunication and lies, and then they finally end up falling head over heels in love with each other. Thats kind of like my love life, only I never get past the dilemma. I have a lot of guy friends, and that always happens. My best friend alex, name changed for privacy, has so many ex girlfriends that I call them by town now. Examples, Berrington, Sacremento, Chicago, Denver. We always joke about it, and for some reason I always am happier when he doesnt have a girlfriend. After the first few break-ups, back in middle school, I realized something.

I loved him

I knew it would never work out. That in his mind the only thing he would call me was our town's name, that had been used many times before for girlfriends of his. So I vowed to never tell him, ever, because I knew I would get my heart broken. So now, 4 years later, I am heart broken.

Not because I told him how I felt.

It wore on me, this huge secret I could never tell him. I didnt want to lose him. The things that he does now break my heart over and over again. Like, one time we went to this teen dance club in our town, just me and him. And he was telling me how we were going to pick up girls/guys according to the rules of "the pick up artist" just for fun, cause we both thought the T.V show was hilarious and he made me vow that I would never fall for such bad pick-up lines. So there we were sitting at this table there and I had to watch him flirt with girl after girl, they thought he was hilarious. Then he made out with one right in front of me. He doesn't try to make me jealous, thats just him, spontaneous. He asked if I was ok on the ride home, but I told him I was just mad cause I didn't get as many numbers as him and laughed it off. That was the worst night of my life. After we got back home, I cried my self to sleep.

I really don't know what to do now, I can't keep going on like this, its crazy.

I want to tell him, but whenever I plan to, I start shaking and the words literally won't come out.

justaprettyface justaprettyface
10 Responses Feb 8, 2009

this is such an old post, i must say that i'm curious about what happend after all this time, tell us :D

You're going to have to be honest here and tell him. Maybe it will work out, maybe it wont, but you will damage all your relationships to come if you try to lock this away inside. The bottom line of relationships and love is that it is important to be honest to the other person and to be just as honest and fair to yourself as well. Tremble and choke up and do not feel ashamed about it, it's the reality of how you feel and keeping any of this locked inside is being unfair to yourself. There is always the risk that you wont get the response you want, but with more years than you, I have found that live is always hard, but being dishonest in love can make it ten times harder. So, you wrote this a long time ago, let us know how it worked out.

He is a player and will use you so why set yourself up for failure. You would be better to find another person to hang out with like a girlfriend. Find yourself a boyfriend.

This guy likes to play the field and keep you as the so called friend.

It really is not healthy for you to have him as a friend.

I have to agree with parakeet on this. Unless you tell him how you really feel about him, he will never "get it". Unless I am told exactly how a woman feels about me, I don't "get it", either...

Good story. If you really love him, tell him the truth. Hope it works out .

If I was you I would leave him alone if he is kissing other girls in front of you

He's not the reason I joined this group. But for 4 years I was in the same situation. He didn't date anyone else but he never wanted us to be together. I accepted this and continued to stay with him and his jealously when someone else noticed me. I finally told him how i felt and he didn't feel that way about me. Stop torturing yourself though, because the pain is unbearable. I know I have cried myself to sleep more nights than I can count over stuff he says or his plain inconsideration for any feelings i may have. My advise to you is tell him because the feelings will not go away and your heart will be stuck in that exquisite pain. Maybe your friendship will change but change happens and its for the best. I am not going to lie and say that those feelings don't creep back but knowing what he feels without games gives you the strength to do what is best for you. I hope it works out for you.

No women or man needs to be treated like a toy to play with untill they lose interest in you any more

From a guy who has lost a girl in a similar situation, just go and tell him straight. Do not play any games and be very very honest. Because I denied my love even when she said she wanted to be with me, I am still suffering ten years later. Her boyfriend who did not love her betrayed her badly. She did not ask me for help and I avoided her for years. Then I find out now she has had many guys. Such a loyal person betrayed and it keeps breaking my heart and deep down I know she does not want this. She refuses to talk to me but I keep thinking about what could have been.... I proposed to her after a long time but it was too late. I wish I had listened to my heart ten years ago. It was always worth the shot. There are so many things I wanted to say to her but never did. Once the river of life starts flowing, it will be impossible to turn it back. I still remember many things vividly. Now I feel I am in a stupor, not wanting too much in life.Turns out she was my passion and I have lost it. Think about a life without passion....Just missing her a lot. But what can I do? You still have the situation very much in your hands. Go for it.

we're on the same boat. i'm gonna post my story here soon.

Oh my.Maybe you should start acting the way he acts around you.Start flirting with other guys where he can see you,start talking about one certain guy that you have a crush'll be able to tell if he has any feelings buy his reactions.He may act nonchalant at first...but if you keep your conversations about your fake"crush"he'll probably be affected somehow.