Always the Friend
You know all those movies about teenagers who are best friends, and think of each other as brother and sister and the guy has a girl friend, or girl has a boyfriend. Then theres a huge dilemma with miscommunication and lies, and then they finally end up falling head over heels in love with each other. Thats kind of like my love life, only I never get past the dilemma. I have a lot of guy friends, and that always happens. My best friend alex, name changed for privacy, has so many ex girlfriends that I call them by town now. Examples, Berrington, Sacremento, Chicago, Denver. We always joke about it, and for some reason I always am happier when he doesnt have a girlfriend. After the first few break-ups, back in middle school, I realized something.
I loved him
I knew it would never work out. That in his mind the only thing he would call me was our town's name, that had been used many times before for girlfriends of his. So I vowed to never tell him, ever, because I knew I would get my heart broken. So now, 4 years later, I am heart broken.
Not because I told him how I felt.
It wore on me, this huge secret I could never tell him. I didnt want to lose him. The things that he does now break my heart over and over again. Like, one time we went to this teen dance club in our town, just me and him. And he was telling me how we were going to pick up girls/guys according to the rules of "the pick up artist" just for fun, cause we both thought the T.V show was hilarious and he made me vow that I would never fall for such bad pick-up lines. So there we were sitting at this table there and I had to watch him flirt with girl after girl, they thought he was hilarious. Then he made out with one right in front of me. He doesn't try to make me jealous, thats just him, spontaneous. He asked if I was ok on the ride home, but I told him I was just mad cause I didn't get as many numbers as him and laughed it off. That was the worst night of my life. After we got back home, I cried my self to sleep.
I really don't know what to do now, I can't keep going on like this, its crazy.
I want to tell him, but whenever I plan to, I start shaking and the words literally won't come out.