Hey.. I'm turning 14 in February of 2015.. And I get that im so young.. And that its 'impossible' to even know what love is (says my mother) but I honestly do. In 2012 I fell in love with a boy.. Named Lucas. He lives 3 hours away from
Me. And the only reason why and how I met him is because I was visiting my grandparents for a week and we met then. Yeah it was hard to date someone who lives far away.. And my parents also didn't approve .. Because they knew what his life was like when he was young..

He was abused. But that didn't stop me from loving him, he never told me that.. Just my parents knew because their close with his family. And so my dad had this big fear of him beating me up, because his dad beat him when he was young. BUT I KNOW HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ME! Everyone thinks he's ugly. BUT he's not to me. He's actually fricking adorable, and once u love someone and know their personality everything about them becomes adorable to you.

And so anyways with all these people's comments about him and my dad and my mom and just AH. So I broke up with him. Things got hard, and we got back together. I can't even count how many break ups we have had. But I know that every single one of them has hurt me.

So this year.. I decided to date someone new.. He was cute-ish. We went to the movies and mini golfing and stuff but nothing felt the same I couldn't get Lucas out of my head and that was driving me insane.. So I broke up with him.

Now it's now. Lucas is in high school 3 hours away, and then there's me in grade 8.. Wishing I was with him, and wishing he loved me still. But I don't think he does. And I don't know what to do, everyone keeps on tellin me to stop trying and stop talking to him but I can't! There's something holding me back and it hurts. I want him to be mine, but I don't think he wants me. And I don't I just can't get over that fact and lately all I've been doing is crying... I honestly think he's playing with my emotions. One day he's telling me that he loves me and he won't stop texting me. And the next day he's acting like an ******* and just ignores me. This hurts and I don't know what to do, I cannot tell my parents because they hate him. I can't tell my friends because they think it's annoying on how many times we have broken up, and they just hate him for hurting me, my grandma doesn't understand.. And idk I just don't know who to turn to anymore :(
lexi5789 lexi5789
16-17, F
Oct 5, 2014