I Am Suffering With Bpd
My life... How can I explain something so painful, so....scarring.
Let's start with my birth. It was made known to me in public school when i was young that i was an abomination to society. According to my fellow second graders I should not exist. Why? My mother was sixteen my dad, twenty. They were not married and my dad left when i was three. My school mates told me that you could only have children after marriage so i shouldn't exist. Not only am i a bastard child. I am also a child created by stagitory rape. All this was made known to me at a young age. When i switched schools my second grade year i was then tormented, bullied and bu then my mom met my stepdad. I hate him. Now you may think oh a teenage girl hating her parents. Normal. Not at all. I. have been called a slutpuppy, fake, liar, without character, honor, integrity, and he told me i have no reason or right to be deppresed because I have no reason to be deppresed and his deppersion is worse than my non exsistent attention seeking one.
When my step dad came into my life everything went to hell. I lost the mother i knew and loved. Who used to be so strong and is now saying she is over weight and hangs on her husband for everything. I have held her while she cries because my step dad yelled at her numerous times. I have been back handed, punched, pinched, flicked at, and threatned all my life. My real father showed back up in my life at twelve. At first i loved him then he married heather, my step mom, who then called me a gothic ***** amd my dad dragged me across the trailer house by my haor, which i have struggled to keep short so he cant grab onto it anymore.
In this turmoil I started self harming. It has now been allayed six or seven years. I only have few scars since i recentley started using sharper blades whcoh cause me to bleed. I have struggled with this and my parents founs out. They also found out about me being sexually assualted. After I was tols by my stepd dad that i am attention seeking and all cutters are. That my supposed "rapes" caused me to lose everything and he rubbed it in my face that i wasnt a real cutter because I didnt draw blood, this affectes me because i struggled every time to make myself bleed and this made me hate myself more.
Then I dated flirted have been cheated on, hurt (physically and mentally) and broken. Not to mention I have been suicidal throughout rhis time.
There are many many more aspects to my life. Some good things: I like to draw, write(books amd poetry) I'm a good listener, I have a bwst friend of eight years, I'm moving out next year into said best friends house, I am happily single, my grades are okay, and well that's it.
Life sounds good right? Wrong.
Do you know what its like to wake up every morning, night and in between and hear this voice saying your ugly, fat, stupid, evil, a failure, can't do anything, bad friend, cant even do cutting right, bad daughter, bad this, bad that. All day and especially when you do sometjing wrong.
This is me every day. This is my life. This is me.
Let's start with my birth. It was made known to me in public school when i was young that i was an abomination to society. According to my fellow second graders I should not exist. Why? My mother was sixteen my dad, twenty. They were not married and my dad left when i was three. My school mates told me that you could only have children after marriage so i shouldn't exist. Not only am i a bastard child. I am also a child created by stagitory rape. All this was made known to me at a young age. When i switched schools my second grade year i was then tormented, bullied and bu then my mom met my stepdad. I hate him. Now you may think oh a teenage girl hating her parents. Normal. Not at all. I. have been called a slutpuppy, fake, liar, without character, honor, integrity, and he told me i have no reason or right to be deppresed because I have no reason to be deppresed and his deppersion is worse than my non exsistent attention seeking one.
When my step dad came into my life everything went to hell. I lost the mother i knew and loved. Who used to be so strong and is now saying she is over weight and hangs on her husband for everything. I have held her while she cries because my step dad yelled at her numerous times. I have been back handed, punched, pinched, flicked at, and threatned all my life. My real father showed back up in my life at twelve. At first i loved him then he married heather, my step mom, who then called me a gothic ***** amd my dad dragged me across the trailer house by my haor, which i have struggled to keep short so he cant grab onto it anymore.
In this turmoil I started self harming. It has now been allayed six or seven years. I only have few scars since i recentley started using sharper blades whcoh cause me to bleed. I have struggled with this and my parents founs out. They also found out about me being sexually assualted. After I was tols by my stepd dad that i am attention seeking and all cutters are. That my supposed "rapes" caused me to lose everything and he rubbed it in my face that i wasnt a real cutter because I didnt draw blood, this affectes me because i struggled every time to make myself bleed and this made me hate myself more.
Then I dated flirted have been cheated on, hurt (physically and mentally) and broken. Not to mention I have been suicidal throughout rhis time.
There are many many more aspects to my life. Some good things: I like to draw, write(books amd poetry) I'm a good listener, I have a bwst friend of eight years, I'm moving out next year into said best friends house, I am happily single, my grades are okay, and well that's it.
Life sounds good right? Wrong.
Do you know what its like to wake up every morning, night and in between and hear this voice saying your ugly, fat, stupid, evil, a failure, can't do anything, bad friend, cant even do cutting right, bad daughter, bad this, bad that. All day and especially when you do sometjing wrong.
This is me every day. This is my life. This is me.
Age:
16-17
,
Female
