I Lost My Boyfriend Because Of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I'm gonna' cut to the chase. I had an amazing boyfriend..he was perfect to me and we had what seemed like a perfect relationship...until i got borderline personality disorder and paranoid personality disorder. Things quickly went downhill and now we're not together. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, and now i'm alone, heartbroken and depressed. How am i supposed to get over this? What am i supposed to do? I have no friends or family i can talk to, no activities to distract me, all i do is remember how perfect it was and feel depressed because it's over and its all my fault.

I just want to be loved, and be in a loving relationship despite my mental illness but it seems impossible. I need help. How am i supposed to get over this. Sigh.
Tanyb94 Tanyb94
18-21, F
6 Responses Feb 7, 2013

Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that results in four groups of symptoms.

Impaired Emotional Control
Harmful Impulsivity
Impaired Perceptions and Reasoning
Disrupted Relationships

Thanks for your post, after 4 years of my ex BPD girlfriend lying and cheating on me, I ended the relationship. I don't know if she feels like you but when the end came, she had her new apartment,m roommates and boy friend all lined up.

I do hope you get help so that you do not repeat your behavior and push away someone that can truly love you.

I understand your pain. I suffer from bpd and the worst pain for me is losing someone that I love. I become very invested and dependent on relationships to keep me afloat. You will get over this and eventually be okay I promise you. The most important thing to do now is to take care of yourself and get stronger to prevent you from feeling this way again in the future if another relationship fails. I am here if you need support or have questions. I've been through it all. best luck to you, and stay strong.

I love what you wrote here...I am so sad with the ending of a relationship I had with the man I was always looking and hoping for. I'm looking for insight about how I feel so sad and I have BPD, didn't know until recently, but it's clear. I just want someone to speak to my heart that I will be okay and why it hurts so much. I know it hurts the way it does because of the BPD, please share more encouragement...thank you so so much.

i was in a similar situation about two weeks ago. Chasing away a good relationship with my BPD. It sucks. You beat yourself up because you know it was your fault. For me, that was the hardest thing to accept. Yes, relationships end, but the fact that i caused it killed me inside. I've only finally forgiven myself for doing it.

You dont just "get" BPD.. You have been living with it all your life.. you just didnt know it.. I sometimes find that diagnosis's can become excuses.. Like my therapist has started a new thing with me.. I am no longer allowed to blame my borderline.. Yes, I do have BPD among other things, but that is not what defines me.. and I wont let it define me.. You dont have to let it define you.. I am 34 years old and I am currently in a relationship with a man I have loved for 12 years. It has been very rocky and VERY hard.. Last time, he was the one to leave.. But he loves me and I love him.. so we are working together to make this work.. In all of my experience with living with this disorder and love so far, is that relationships take much more work with us Borderlines than with someone who doesnt have any mental illnesses.. While that sounds awful and sad, in reality it opens us up to REAL love.. Because when you find someone who will stick by you when you are at your worst, you have found love.. and love that will last.. that is what you need to look for.. Someone that is willing to WORK for your relationship.. Its not easy by any means, but it is worth it.. and you will find someone who wont let your illnesses come between you.. best of luck hun and Im here if you ever need someone to talk too...

Wow, that sounds tough. :/ BPD can be hard to accept, and hard to live with.

What actually happened to split you up?