Why Do I Constantly Think Suicidal?

I am always thinking about it, suicide and what it would be like not to be around. I am going to jail soon, just wondering if there is any way out. I hate life and now I have to deal with all this bullshit for some marijuana I got caught with. Never hurt anyone or committed any other types of crime in my life, but having marijuana. I cannot go out in public no more or talk to my girlfriend who I was supposed to marry, now all is I got is a pregnant girlfriend and suicidal thoughts that run through my mind day in and out. I really don't want children now, my gf does and says we will be fine. I get more angry when she talks like this! I am telling everyone how I feel but her. yeah sure honey will be fine!!! I am just faking my feelings around her and feel so guilty just doing so. Just want to be with my dad who I lost three years ago to a heart attack. I pray everyday that I could die suddenly, like he did. What can I do to die? get hit by a car or take pills and drop before I go to jail would be great right now, but I guess those things only happened when you least expect it.
Please someone who has shared these experiances, please respond to this!!!
fam6236 fam6236
36-40, M
May 5, 2012