I Keep Crying

The past few weeks have been really hard. I'm looking for work, feeling really poor, trying to keep eviction proceedings at bay. On one hand, I'm getting along with some of my relatives. On the other hand both of my parents are ill and for various reasons its now clear that my estrangement with them won't ever end.

I look for support. My boyfriend is wonderful about this. But he's far away. I feel so isolated. I try to make friends, but I end up feeling more alienated even though people like me.

Lately my leg has been in pain. The pain has gotten nearly unbearable. I feel pretty much nothing but pain, with occasional moments of clarity and yes, even joy. But the walls are closing in and I'm tired. I feel bad because my death will cause my boyfriend terrible pain. But I don't want to be in pain any longer. My life has had too much pain. I want this all to be over.
mbuch mbuch
46-50
Nov 28, 2012