**** It.

Ive been in this battle since I was 13 , I am now 18 and I can honestly say it has never been this bad. Through out all of this people ask me why? why would I do this? Why dont I change it? Why do I even put those thoughts in my head? Well ************* after long nights of thinking , its mostly YOU who put thoughts in my head, such as I am not pretty enough , not tall enough, not thin enough, Im too weird, ill never be cool, yes and the typical I have no daddy. Not something to let get to me you say? Well my lovelys I do my best to not let things get to me but after years of ****** up situations and being picked on , it tends to build up and lead to depression and being suicidal. People don't understand that its not just sadness we feel, it goes so much deeper than that, it is this horrible horrible unbearable , overwhelming, sad, ****** up pain that is so severe is unbelievable, and we have to walk around all day with a ******* smile on our ******* face! Its not just a I broke my pinky toe pain, its not a I lost my favorite toy pain, it is so so so much deeper, and people have the ******* nerve to tell me I need to get over myself that , I need to snap out of this depression, that I need to just keep moving forward. All this bullshit keeps you froming living your life normally , it effects your every move. You feel ugly, you feel such hatred and anger, all you want to do is cry but you cant! Imagine over 4 years of pain and tears built up but not being able to get it out! It sucks ***! and I am sick and tired of people saying they understand when they dont, or people who say they want to help and when you start trusting and pouring out they dont even give a ****! I don't understand life, I dont understand myself, I dont understand anything, I want help but I dont know how to get it or who to trust. Im in a relationship and it effects it massively and not in a good way. He trys to understand but he just cant. I just want this to go away.
HeIsTrueLove HeIsTrueLove
18-21, F
Dec 11, 2012