Feeling So Alone So Hopeless

Last year was probably one of the greatest years of my life. Had a new born son that i love to death. found out he was coming a week before he actually got here. Yes I was shocked and scared. My job appeared to be going great. I was on the fast track to management. Now over a year later things have appeared to have fallen apart. let me start from the beginning. I have always been big, big kids, big adult...I am 6 ft and almost 600 lbs. Im not the most active person but i carried my weight pretty well for the most part. Well since my son was born I have been wanting to change because during one of my visits to him he was running around and i just couldnt keep up. enough that his mother and his grandmother are already critical of me but this is just added fuel to the fire. For that reason I havent seen my son since November. I have used other excuses but that is it. its killing me inside because im missing out on so much but im truly ashamed and I cant talk to his mother because she really doesnt care and i cant talk to my family because they just dont seem to understand. On top of that about 3 months ago my employer was bought out by a company i had previously applied to but was denied because of my weight. unfortunaltey cant prove it but the writing was on the wall. Now 90 days later i was told i would be brought into the fray because of my excellent work record. Now all the sudden my position was eliminated because "it wasnt in the numbers". everyone knows it was because of my weight but unfortunately cant be proven. So this brings me to now. I have seen all these exercise commercials on tv and i have downloaded them and everything but im finding it harder and harder to move everyday. I dont eat alot as is and im really depressed. I dont want to be this way anymore but i just need someone to understand and not think im the worst person in the world. I have gone to the doctors (insurance ran out a week ago) and they said I needed to lose a good 150 before i could even consider bariatric surgery (oh jeez) so they said they would refer me to a nutritionist to put me on a protein liquid diet. Unfortunately no more insurance and money is dry. I have seen the medifast diet as well as others and just need some type of help on where to start. I could also just use someone who doesnt know me to understand and to talk to about how i truly feel because im about at the end of my rope but the thought of my son needing his father is about all that keeps me holding on. Thanks for listening
bigblacksheep bigblacksheep
1 Response Jul 30, 2010

Dear Feeling Alone and Hopeless, I understand your situation because I am probably older than you and I weigh more than you. I'm in my 60's and over 700lbs. Often times than none when I think about how I got to where I am today. I've said many times "I really don't eat that much" to explain myself to people I've known for years and people I just met. At my heaviest I was over 900lbs and I was alone and I felt hopeless. I had to have a visiting nurse to do things I used to be able to do without a thought about it. Going to the bathroom without the assistance of someone else or going to my tailor twice in a month to adjust my pants as I balooned to 913lbs 8 yrs ago. You have a son that needs you to be strong for him. My only advice to you is forget the cravings at night and cut in half what you eat for one day, then two days a you can handle it. SUbstitue water for soda and mark my words you will reduce noticeably.