I Need To Go To A Professional Spanker;
I have had the desire to be spanked since I was a small child. I would sometimes do things bad on purpose to get punished by my mother. When I was playing with other children in the neighborhood I would try to arrange the games where I would be the one tied up and spanked.
As an adult I had been in several relationships and marriages with women where I have asked them to spank me. There were some women who just could not deal with the fact that I wanted them to spank me and they broke up with me. I did have a fear at times when I would not share the desire to be spanked I just fought the urges I had to be spanked. Later in my life I made up my mind that if a woman wanted to be with me it is only fair that she knows all about my desires before we got together. So I would tell the woman everything about my desires including the fact that I was Transgender. Sometimes the women bolted and ran as soon as I told them all about myself. Other women would say that they would try to deal with me then later tell me that they were wrong and make up some lame excuse to break up with me.
Of the women who tried to spank me most of them were afraid that they would hurt me so they did not hit me hard enough to give me the satisfaction that I needed. I was happy for the effort that they put forth but it did not satisfy me. After I got married to my present wife she did try to spank me at first but the results were so much less than satisfying. For years she did not even make the effort to spank me and because I loved her I thought that I would have to be content in our marriage with out me being fulfilled. This year however things have changed for the better. I found a website about wives taking their husbands across her knees and spanking them. I told my wife about the website and asked her to try taking me across her knee. She tried it and I don’t know which of us were more excited. Later that night we had better sex than we had in years.
I am now back to the same problem I had before of wanting to be spanked really hard. My wife has told me that she is hitting me as hard as she can and she has to sit down and take breaks when I am tied to the bed during a punishment spanking. She is only to get at the most a pain level of 7 out of 10 on a pain level.
While I am so very grateful that she is willing to put forth such a wonderful effort to spank me, I still have the need to be hit harder.
My only solution is to go to a professional Dominatrix.
I need to have the feeling that I am not in control of the session, that the spanking hurts me enough to make me want it to stop but the Dominatrix gives me as much punishment as she thinks I should have. I need to feel the pain for several days after the session I need to feel fulfilled and cleansed inside. I really don’t think that my wife is capable of making me feel the way that I need to. That is why I need to go to a professional to be spanked.