Brain Cancer....i Always Knew.

Ever since I was a little girl I knew there was something weird with my head. Unfortunately no one ever took me seriously. When I was 14 I started having symptoms. Blurred vision, panic attacks, severe migraines, numbness on my left side, passing out. I was in and out of ER's and saw over 30 doctors between the ages of 14 -23. They all said the same thing - Anxiety was my issue. I was prescribed all kinds of depression and anxiety meds and sent on my way. I vividly remember a doctor telling me "Its all in your head dear". I wish I could remember who that a**hole was so I could go punch him today. Anyway, when I was 23, I was drugged and raped. When I awoke in the morning I had a severe panic attack. I was shaking so badly that I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. I called my mom and she came over. Then we called 911 and an ambulance came and took me to the ER. I kept passing out and blacking out. The ER (My angel i believe) ordered a CT scan b/c she said it just wasn't adding up. There was evidence of the date rape drug in my system but that my symptoms were much worse than they should be. Then the doctor came in and ordered an MRI b/c my brain looked swollen in the CT. Honestly I was so drugged up I hardly remember anything. But after the MRI the doctor came in and said "I'm sorry, but it looks like you have brain cancer." It was a weird feeling. My mom was bawling but I felt somewhat relieved. Like, there is something wrong with me. I was right all those years. I never even got a chance to deal with the rape. Within two weeks I was in the hospital for a crainiotomy. The tumor sits on my motor ***** so the biopsy was dangerous in itself. But after the surgery they told us it was Stage 2 Oligodendrogloima. A rare brain cancer. They said I had probably had it for a long time. (Well no ****.....stupid doctors that ignored me.) I went on chemo for 18 months. During that time becoming addicted to pain pills..... Life was really weird then. As of now the tumor hasn't done much of anything. Just chills up there in my head. It's "stable" they say. My oncologist said that he expects growth in 3-5 years... whatever that means. I was diagnosed in Jan 2009 and its May 2012 now and still no growth. So we will see. No one in my family has a history of cancer or brain tumors or anything.... I would really like to chat with anyone going through this. I am getting married in December 2012 (this year) and I am SO excited. But I secretly deal with horrible emotional issues. I know I have PTSD and some other crap. But I quit taking all my meds a few months ago b/c I don't want to be on anything anymore. I was on celexa and xanax for my anxiety/PTSD. I still use xanax for sleep sometimes.... Oh did I mention I had to have a partial hysterectomy too? The hormones "apparently" could cause my tumor to grow. So I have my ovaries and everything, they just took my uterus. They think that when I was pregnant with my daughter, is when the tumor was able to grow enough for me to have worsening symptoms. my fiance has a 3yr old girl and my daughter is 5. I suppose I should be happy with that. But I always wanted more children.

I wonder if I will ever feel normal again. Thats all I want. Where the tumor on my motor ***** like I said but it also interferes with my cognitive reasoning and ability to make decisions, tell the truth, sort through emotions. I've tried seeing therapists and hated them all. I just want to be able to move on from this diagnosis. I do joke about it....My memory sucks.... and some days I'm an emotional rollercoaster. Oh well. Thats life I guess. Thats my story... well part of it. Thanks for reading :)

CancerMama :)
CancerMama22 CancerMama22
26-30, F
May 9, 2012