For Anyone Who Beleives Themselves To Be A Rather Creative Spirit......


I beleive good art chimes by its truth and that truth is always original. I am having a hard time finding my truth, and my true self. I get glimpses once in a while, I am coming into my mid 30's and i am having problems making sense of how my medication (zoloft) might be effecting me. I have read all the books, but no where does someone share an experience remotely close to my own.

My name is Bob and I have been on Zoloft for almost 10 years. I had trouble finding my footing through early adulthood, and i definitely have OCD. I was put on anti-depressants, but gradually I have this yearning with my whole being that the best course of action for myself might be to discontinue taking it.

While i am convinced i should stop, i doubt it at the same time because i have learned very painful, devastating lessons in discontinueing taking my medication.

Ok check this out, i have something strange to say...If you can relate please please let me know.

1. I love hangovers.
has there ever been anyone else on God's strange earth that has felt this way?...But!.. hangover must be followed by a night of a missed dose of Zoloft (I take it at night before bed)

I am a musician, and maybe a bit of a gifted artist( i like to think so :) ).
and if the day proceeding the night of debauchery and missing the dose never fails in being a highly energetic, and profoundly meaningful day full of an in depth and clear vision of where my life should go, of who i am, and a boundless unbelievable feeling of well being in every single way imaginable. I would tent to lean towards thinking i might feel manic, but the energy and the clarity are to steady, and calm, and i never do anything that would be considered to be uncontrolled or nutty.

I am at a total loss, because i have never heard of anyone that can go get totally wasted drunk, and then wake up early in the morning to go to the gym, and be able to lift more weight than ever before, then create tons of music in my bedroom studio, read massive amounts of books that i find interest in. The day is usually rounded off by an inspired performance as i am a touring musicia, all day long i make people laugh, and i give rather helpful, sincere, and skilled advice. I feel a connection with my true spirit, and feel inspired to point where I laugh out loud. I get this feeling of moving on and evolving as a person, of enjoying and creating, and seeing into things much much deeper...

on a day that i skip a dose without consuming alcohol, always feels electric and alive, and devastatingly right. These days are a pay off, and it feels like it is next to impossible for me to discontinue the medication because when i miss a dose the pay off is tremendous.

So then these days are offset by the majority of the time, where i am medicated on this drug, ... I dont know what it is.? I am trying to be as objective as possible, but all parts of me point to this drug, as the culprit of stunting my emotional growth and for making me feel like a zombie.

Now ..before i type anymore let me say that i know for a fact that anti-depressants saved me at a point in my life that i needed them, , and they probably will continue to be a part of my life.

It is easy to get on the internet and decide that it is truth, but me and you that publish ourselves have no credentials. Never the less, i would say... never ever discontinue use of these drugs on your own, as millions of anecdotes prove this to be a terrible idea. Of course consult your psychiatrist. Even if you don't feel like it. (save yourself a year long lesson). I dont know maybe i am at a point where a particular drug has 'pooped out', who knows? This drug helped so much in the past and now when i dont take it (the day after missing a dose) -it rewards me with a day that is so enlightening, and real, and authentic. I am taunted by the rewards of being unmedicated. But also fearful that my own judgement might off as it might have been in the past.

All that i know is that for the last few years while i have been taking zoloft, i have started to feel dulled, like i am trapped inside myself, i feel like i can't be myself. Life loses everything that it is worth living for. I am not inspired, i cannot see clearly, i am beat down, and a bad imitation of myself. I needed these drugs at one time, and i will probably need more some day, but i think they may be 'pooping out',

is there anyone else out there that feels a huge difference in the day where they may miss a dose. And can anyone tell me why the day after a drinking binge- combined with miss a dose is guaranteed to be one of my all time greatest of days. What the hell is going on with me?

Is there literature about alcohol use that documents, hangovers as feeling awesome? Is there anyone else out there that misses a dose of there antidepressant and feels more creative and alive than they have felt in months? can anyone point me in the right directs? thank you in advance, and thank you for letting me share my story with you!...

Rightnow90 Rightnow90
31-35, M
Sep 12, 2012