Perhaps I Am

i was in a serious relationship for 5 years that i wasn't even sure i wanted to be i ended it.  Now a year and a half later, he says he loves me and still wants to be with me.  i can't do it tho b/c i don't want to feel trapped again.  i want to feel like myself.  i'm afraid if i were to go back, the same things would just happen all over again.  i like him, and may possibly still love him (we DO have a daughter together also) but i don't think i want to be committed to him.


i currently have a friend with benefits that i just can't give up either.  My feelings for him is one of the reasons i broke up with my ex in the first place...they haven't gone away...gotten stronger if anything....but he's married.  Maybe i gravitate towards taken men b/c we both get what we want w/o having to commit to each other.  i know if he's already taken, he's not going to want a relationship with me, so no one gets hurt.  Perhaps i just like my freedom....after 5 years of being in a relationship i probably wasn't ready for, this freedom thing is pretty nice lol  i can do whatever i feel like w/o having to worry about anyone but myself (well, and my daughter lol)


Maybe i'm afraid if i commit to one person, then "the one" will come along and i'll miss him.  Maybe i don't want to commit b/c i think there could be someone else better out there for me?  will i ever stop thinking this way?

KinkyFlower KinkyFlower
31-35, F
1 Response Feb 23, 2008

That's funny that you wrote that just a week before talking to me for the first time. I hope that you don't still love both of them anymore, but you probably do cause it doesn't just go away like that. So are you taking a chance with me that I might be "the one" that might get away. It's only natural to think that way, but the perfect person doesn't exist. Everyone has faults and failures, you just have to learn to accept them and maybe even love those little things about the other person. We both know I have lots of those to love too ;)