What the Hell Is Wrong With Me?
I'm scared of love, commitment, people near to me... everything. I can't sleep next to my girlfriend without having a panic attack (yeah, I really got one while I was lying next to her, it was horrible, I felt SO bad).
Now I met a man whom I'm really smitten on and who likes me back. I thought I'd lost him, he was gone for a month and I thought I couldn't live without him. Now he's come back and right away I start to be scared again and wish he'd never come back.
This goddamned ambivalence is going to kill me one day! I don't know what to tell all these people that I want to be close to but can't! I hate myself for that!