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Looking In the Mirrow

A personal story in the experience: I Am Terrified of Growing Old Alone
I t has been almost 5 years.  I don't want to grow old alone.  My hubby died almost 5 years ago.  The time has flown by faster then I can believe.  I want to share my life with someone.  I don't know hot to meet people .  The Internet has not worked for me.  The men in my age group seem to have more hair in their ears and nostrils then on their heads.   I feel so young inside.  I take good care of myself, and feel young on the outside also.   I get so sad when I think of possibly never having another to hold me, to make love to me.  My husband was very sick before he died.  I held his hand and stayed by him till the end.  It is terrifying to think I have no one to stay by me.  Kids have their own lives.  I don't want to ever be a burden.  I go to movies by myself.  Today for example, I went to see "The Reader".  It was an amazing movie.  As soon as  walked in, I noticed it was almost all couples.  There were no seats in the back.  I had to sit between 2 couples about my age.  I fought back tears the whole time.  It was a marvelous movie, but a very painful experience.   I have barely dated in almost 5 years, I fear the next 5 years flying by.  By then, I will be 10 yrs older then when my husband passed.  I can't stop time, and I hate this out of control feeling.  It seems like everyone is a couple.  Even meeting single women my age seems a task beyond my ability.  I am so scared.  I am at a loss for words.

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Posted Feb 8th, 2009 at 8:29PM
I am sooo sorry for your loss! I am going through a divorce now that is my situation so I am not looking for anything right now but am worried about the future as you are!
     
Posted Feb 9th, 2009 at 5:31PM
I feel the very same way that you do .When you are with your love for 40yrs. and then you loose him . How do you continue ? Being a couple all these years is special to me .NOW WHAT ! I am not 46 I am 64 ,Will this always be me unsure and afraid to go for a lunch or dinner . We promised each other we would be in our 80's together .I think we(widows should unite ) and enjoy life . No it won't ever be the same ,should we just give up ? My loss has just started 1-1-09 . I have a dear friend that is going on 17years . Please know I am worried for you too . Do you have family to visit ? I have my pets ,dogs,, cats ,rabbits,bird. They are my children .I hope you meet someone just to have company and if things change ,so be it . Bless You !
     
Posted Mar 8th, 2009 at 10:10PM
I can relate to your experience but I am envious that you were able to share your the earlier part of your life with someone you love.

I am 35 and never had a boyfriend. Most of time I think I must be weird or something for never been in a relationship.

I know what you mean about the difficulty of making friends. I too am worried that I will have to grow old alone.

Please cherish your memories of your late husband and the love that you shared with him.

Although your children are grown up and have their own lives, their lives should also include you. Spend as much time as you can with them and you will never be alone.
     
Posted Mar 9th, 2009 at 2:25AM
it is hard to be middle-aged and single.i know how u feel 100%.good things come to those who wait.
+2 nods     
Posted Apr 9th, 2009 at 9:37PM
Your feelings are shared by many. Several years ago my husband of 25 years left me to "go find himself". I never thought I'd find anybody else but did and remarried 5 years later. Although very fortunate to find him, my thoughts still go to growing old alone. Women usually outlive men and, like you, my children are too busy with their own lives. I have one special girlfriend and we often talked about moving in together later on in life. This friend just found out last week that she has stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to her bones and organs. My heart is broken for her and, selfishly, I'm scared for me. If as if nothing can be counted on. Growing old alone is so frightening. Making good friends at my age, 65, is extremely difficult to do. Perhaps you understand my feelings.
     
Posted Apr 9th, 2009 at 9:39PM
Your feelings are shared by many. Several years ago my husband of 25 years left me to "go find himself". I never thought I'd find anybody else but did and remarried 5 years later. Although very fortunate to find him, my thoughts still go to growing old alone. Women usually outlive men and, like you, my children are too busy with their own lives. I have one special girlfriend and we often talked about moving in together later on in life. This friend just found out last week that she has stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to her bones and organs. My heart is broken for her and, selfishly, I'm scared for me. If as if nothing can be counted on. Growing old alone is so frightening. Making good friends at my age, 65, is extremely difficult to do. Perhaps you understand my feelings.
     
Feeling loved
Posted Apr 24th, 2009 at 6:10AM
This is so sad... it's terrible to lose someone you love and being left alone too makes it even worse. I hope you can find someone.
     
Posted Jun 2nd, 2009 at 11:56PM
I'm 64 and recently lost my twin brother--we were as one--I empathize with you all.
     
Posted Jul 2nd, 2009 at 9:01PM
I sympathize with you for loss of five years ago.Now instead of looking to see how much hair possible suiters have on their head you should be con sentrating on what's inside their head. Also ask yourself what do you have to offer that person.that perhaps he can't find elsewhere.You might find a suitable person at a senior club,health club,church events, you have many opportunities but you have to look
     
Posted Jul 18th, 2009 at 11:52AM
I am 56 and my precious Husband and complete Soulmate was taken from us by a doctor who deliberately killed my Husband. It will be 5 years this November 24th and it still seems like just yesterday.

I know some of how you feel about growing old alone. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder if my Husband sees how I look now. I still feel young inside too, but this past September, I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and Hypothyroidism at the same time. Being in and out of the Hospital several times, really made me need my Husband even more, if that's possible.

The most difficult part for me is..........I can't even imagine another man touching me or having sex with me, because it just turns my stomach. I was with my Hiusband, from the time I was 16 years old and he's all I want. I don't want anyone else.

Although at times, I do think it would be nice to have someone, an adult, to talk to from time to time about things, besides our two beautiful and supportive adult daughters. I thank God for them every day. Eventhough I feel so very much out of place, even with them, I'm so thankful they are close by and we spend a lot of time together. I hope that you'll be able to obtain this same closeness with your children. Family is very important, even when the kids think they have lives of their own. I'm sure they miss their Father more than you know too.

When I start feeling scared or sad, like you are, I think of one thing: I'm never really alone. God is with me always. I'm not a terribly religious person. I don't attend church on a regular basis, but I know first hand and have been shown several times, that God is right here with us.

I wish you the absolute best of everything in life and hope that you'll be able to find happiness very soon. I know the only thing that would make me happy would be to be able to be with my Husband again and I'm working on that too.

Please feel free to write to me anytime about anything.

Hugsssss & Blessings Always
     
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