Looking In the Mirrow

I feel your pain... Thank God I still have my husband, but one does wonder what would happen and you have taken my fears and put them into words right here. I married my bff and I can't imagine the pain and suffering you are going through - no one really can - only you. But, my friend I am a believer in God and I know he tore a little piece of himself and rolled and mold my husband and added all of his best qualities into him just for me. I know that your loved one is at peace and I am sure he would not want you to be unhappy no one that truly found love would want the other to be unhappy after their gone.

Internet is not the place to find true love, its a place to find a one night stand with a freakie deekie person. My advice and I would give to myself also is to finish grieving for your hubbie - maybe write him a letter put in a ballon and let it go - then focus on what you like, dislike, and get back to loving you. When you start to love you again from the inside - it will radiate out and that special person will be right in front of you - he'll be all you need and some. Love you first, put you first and don't "look for someone" just be a friend - spend your time doing things that make you happy, bring you some joy from there friends will come and that special person may be there. I find when we don't look for something that's when we find it. God bless your broken heart. Anytime you need a friend, you can email me.

Sorry for your loss. But " The men in my age group seem to have more hair in their ears and nostrils then on their heads. '' Hope you find someone as shallow as you are with a full head of hair.

I am a man alone at 59. Engaged, but never married. I have not found internet dating productive, despite a major effort that continues. I am very tired of being alone. However, just a warm female body won't do. I need friendliness, the ability to listen, and mutual interests and fantasies. I really don't care about looks or weight.
I can't quit - to do what? You must soldier on, as well, or be doomed to the loveless irrelevance of those in late youth without a partner, which I am too familiar with.
I wish you success in finding another partner!

I understand your feelings. Now, you must stop your self-pity and get on with your life. It has been over 5 years since my now ex-husband left me. I have been working on getting over my feelings of loss for quite some time. It is not easy, but it is possible. I finally have made a breakthrough so I don't cry every time I think of him. Of course the fact that I have a job that I love and get to meet a lot of interesting people helps. Get yourself the book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. This may help you overcome your fear in meeting people and continuing your life. When my first husband died many years ago, I resolved to live my life as he would have wanted me to live it. I may not have been completely successful, but it helped me to go on. However, you must remember that life is for the living. The fear and anxiety I hear in your letter tell me that no matter how young you are inside and out, you are not living. Would your husband have wanted you to behave this way?

OK, ladies and gentlemen, if you just HAVE to have someone to make you feel whole here's how to do it. After my whole family was killed in an aircraft accident, naturally I got divorced, but that was the easy part. Then I spent a decade working.......I was young, in my thirties......and fortunately I was a nurse, so an older woman friend of mine told me to make a wish board. You get a piece of colored "paper" and then as you look thru magazines, pick out what you would want in a partner. Use phrases, descriptions, anything in every area relating to personality, spirituality, looks even, then cut those out and shove the whole mess under your bed. Now and then pull it out and with a glue stick, put on the pieces in a way that is artistic and pleases you. Then forget about finding a partner, and go about becoming the person you want to accompany you. Make a life for yourself, continue to look thru mags when you can and glue things on to your Wish board, but focus on your individual life. At the most incredible moment, the guy or gal you want will show up. You would not want what you would attract now. Sincerely, nurseRNPA

Nurse RNPA, my question to you is did it work with the wish board? Did you find someone you created from your board? I'm seeking the truth on this LOA theory. Anything you can share?

Look in the mirror again my friend and you will see a beautiful sentistive human being who has much to offer. I'm in my fifties, I lost my best friend that I ever had to the ravages of Cancer, before that I lost my Dad to the scourge of Alzhiemers. I know I must go on, I gave up my job to take care of my Dad, it was the right decision, but, as we all know to sadly jobs aren't to had at this particular time. We only go around once in life (as far as we know). You are not the only one who is saddled with burden but you are the only one who can turn it around. Dreamt of ever being a writer? Classes at the local community college. Get yourself out, get really dressed up! go to a nice resturant and put on the glitz, carry a positive attitude and carry yourself, show you are a classy lady and that you won't settle for anything less! It all starts within you. I'm sure your husband is looking down from heaven and wishing you would do so. He wanted for you, I'm sure, so do it for him and you.

i felt as you do for awhile after i lost the love of my life, i wanted to feel those feelings again, the security, the happiness. i dated until i could no longer stand it. i have come to the conclusion that i am not meant to be in that kind of relationship now. i have put it in Gods hands to send me the one when i am ready. you must find things in your life that are good and fill some of the void. Good luck to you. I too am petrified of growing older....

I feel exactly the same...I lost my hubby almost 5 years ago to ALS. He wasn't even 40 yet! Now, I'm in my 40's...no prospects, internet dating for some reason has not worked for me...I feel like we are all "stuck"....I go t work, come home, walk the dog, cook, eat and go to bed. I joine women's groups but they are all stay at home mom's who just want to get together during the day while I am at work, and the men I do date either have child support payments, or something about them that makes things complicated to date them, when really, it's all very simple...All they have to do is just look in my eyes, hug me like a man and say nice things to me...but I seem most can't even do that. Is it because life is too stressful and they just don't want to, know how to? People seem like they don't open themselves up to love anymore and everything seems to be more difficult then many years ago. I yearn to hold a man in my arms and have some compansionship but then again, are they strong enough, and have the skills and knowledge to truly love a woman? I would think that there must be someone out there, but it seems at this point that maybe there isn't and I feel scared too that nobody is going to be there to hold my hand when it's my time to go.