I love a man much older than me. Some say that is my choice, but love is an emotion and emotions are often involuntary, so do I have a choice. He is 26 years older than me and I will always be there for him. He says he doesn't fear death, just being sick and alone. He will never be alone as long as I live, but then I sometimes selfishly wonder "What about me?".
Who will be by my side so I am not sick and alone when I die? I hope he outlives me, not a very realistic hope. And then I fear, especially being a woman, that when he does go I will be too old for anyone to want me and won't have time to build a relationship with someone else. I have never been alone, I fear living alone because I have so many fears. I am still afraid of the dark and have nightmares that require being held and soothed like a small child or I stay awake in terror until morning.
This love that so fulfills me now--will it be my downfall later. Is it my choice? I can't choose to change it.