My Choice?

I love a man much older than me. Some say that is my choice, but love is an emotion and emotions are often involuntary, so do I have a choice. He is 26 years older than me and I will always be there for him. He says he doesn't fear death, just being sick and alone. He will never be alone as long as I live, but then I sometimes selfishly wonder "What about me?".

Who will be by my side so I am not sick and alone when I die? I hope he outlives me, not a very realistic hope. And then I fear, especially being a woman, that when he does go I will be too old for anyone to want me and won't have time to build a relationship with someone else. I have never been alone, I fear living alone because I have so many fears. I am still afraid of the dark and have nightmares  that require being held and soothed like a small child or I stay awake in terror until morning.

This love that so fulfills me now--will it be my downfall later. Is it my choice? I can't choose to change it.

ravenfox ravenfox
41-45, F
5 Responses Dec 22, 2009

I agree with womaninbliss that you should think about building up a support network for yourself. Enjoy your love and time with the man you love, but make plans so that you have at least some backup in future. <br />
Do not think you are selfish for thinking 'what about me?' Your fears are realistic and anyone would have the same thoughts in your shoes.

There is always time to find another love. My Memaw and pepaw were married for yrs. she passed away when they were in their seventies and he got a new gf and was with her until he passed away. Now i am married to a man who is 15 yrs older than me. God will take care of you.

It's wonderful that you have that love in your life. If you are afraid, can I suggest that you start to build up a life for yourself outside the home. I'm not talking about seeing other men, not at all, but making sure you have a social network to support you and interests and so on outside your relationship. Your fears will manifest unless you take steps to prevent them ... now is the time to act, not when you are alone. Enjoy what you have now and don't let your fear spoil it, but it's sensible to take some precautions and to prepare for the future, whether it happens or not, and it will fulfill you too in so many ways to have other interests.

well,love is sometimes less than ideal,if you feel strongly about being with this man then go for it.but i would have to say that,at least on paper,he will be getting a lot more out of it than you,i say that with respect.

Be happy and deal with it when the time comes for some us that time is more defined than others but then some people never do experience love cherish it