Beyond Terrified

It's not even normal.  I am super paranoid.  If we have just one silly little argument about something so stupid, I go into a deep panic and worry that I'm going to lose her friendship.  We've had our fights and arguements and we always get through them in spite of me always thinking that it is the end of our friendship, but somehow I can't seem to shake the paranoia.

But I've had another best friend a few years before her and our three year friendship ended on a pretty bad note.  Our friendship ended four years ago and we're like, enemies now.  If you were to see us now, you wouldn't believe that we once used to be such close best friends.  She still hates my guts, she turns people against me, she makes my life hell at school, she spreads rumors about me and all the secrets I had confided in her back when we were besties are no longer secrets...
It's hard to believe we even had such a close friendship in the first place. 

Even though she and I stopped being best friends four years ago, I still have that same paranoia that things might end badly between me and my new best friend, just like they did with the other one.  I even talked to her about it and she reassured me that things are not going to end badly between us and she told me not to worry, she's not my old-BFF.  She would never stoop that low.  And I do believe her with all my heart that we'll always be able to work things out like we always do by talking about things, but I still can't shake the paranoia. 

Well, I guess the good thing is that at least I can understand why I would have that much paranoia over losing her in the first place.  I've been through a lot with my ex-BFF.  I wouldn't want to go through any of that again, even if I have no reason at all whatsoever to believe it might happen with my new bestie.

deadmoon deadmoon
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 7, 2010

Trust me, I know how you feel. I know that doesn't help any, but, I felt I needed to say something.