All of the Little, Simple Things.

And it isn't a whole lot, either.  But, you know, I think it's a lot more than many people do have, so I'm looking at the glass as being half-full.  Bashing myself for what isn't right or what's missing never helped me in the past.  Rarely has being hard on myself like that been a good motivation to change my situation. 

I spent one week without a home.  All of the possessions I could carry were in my car.  As the evenings grew near, I would start to panic, wondering where I would stay, and wondering what I would do if I couldn't find a place.  I felt adrift in the middle of Metro Vancouver, an area I didn't know well.  I was without any anchor. 

Inevitably, I'd get a room in some motel, which I could hardly afford to spend the money I had left on.  In the end, however, I had little choice.  My world had shrunk so tight around me, that I had a hard time perceiving what was past the end of my nose.  The world beyond that was not about to do me any favours -- it was up to me whether I swam or sank.  At least I found a place to stay each night, to take a bath, and turn the t.v. on, to help keep my mind off my worries.  I wound up crying anyway, until I was too tired and had no choice but fall asleep. 

I couldn't carry much with me in the way of food, and the motel rooms I got didn't have kitchen facilities anyway.  I grew to quickly detest sandwiches bought at gas station convenience stores and cheap cafes.

With the help of a guardian angel, I was able to move into a rooming house after that terrible week.  I still live there today, although now it feels like home; it's been over two years now.  One of the first things I did when I moved in was buy some simple groceries, then make myself a couple peanut butter and jam sandwiches.  That simple pleasure felt like a miracle.  I was so thankful for it, and for the security of having a permanent roof over my head, though it hardly felt like home.  Memories like that stay with you -- they have with me, at least. 

Though I don't have much today, it's more when I first moved in.  For the first several months here, I had books, a radio, and c.d. player for entertainment.  It wasn't until half-a-year later that I bought a second-hand t.v., vcr, and dvd player from a co-worker.  It wasn't until early this year that I had a second-hand computer.  I've hung some pictures up, and got some shelving to make more space -- it's just one room, after all, though a pretty good size.  I have two chair, as well.

I'm not well off, but I'm okay.  The only things that don't stay in my room are what goes in the fridge.  The fridge has a lock on it, too, as we had one room-mate who was stealing everyone else's food in the middle of the night.  I nearly cleaned his clock one day, and he disappeared some time ago. 

This is how I've come to be content and thankful for what I have, rather than resent what I don't.

UnderEli UnderEli
46-50, M
4 Responses Jun 13, 2009

I think that's one of the hardest things to do is to see the positive light or to actually feel thankful for the smallest things such as feeling settled somewhere. Just in March and April I had moved out of an apartment with no home, uncertainty of getting a home I applied to 300 miles away and no help and very few dollars. In tow was myself, my two year old and my dog. I lived in a hotel for two weeks and with a friend for another two weeks. Leaving our life and luck in the hands of something higher. When I did finally find out I had gotten the place and we finally settled in, I am still taking the moments of silence in our home to enjoy the feeling of being settled. May not be much, but it's home.

You truly have a wonderful spirit and I believe it is what gets you through. Thanks for sharing your story, when I read life experiences such as yours, it truly teaches me to be greatful for my life today. I wish you well!

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, Midelakros. This was one of the harder ones for me to share.

Another 'Me Too'!<br />
I'm pleased to say that I have my own rented home now though.<br />
Nearly four years later, it's become quite nice.<br />
I too am more grateful than I can say.<br />
The lessons you have gleaned from your sufferings are a true inspiration. Thank You for sharing them.