Wish I'd Known It Sooner...........

I was always the black sheep. Gosh, my father bought my cousin (who is perfect, by the way) a beautiful giant doll and would never buy me any doll. I eventually got one from a kindly housekeeper we had. My mother left when I was small and the family considered her a tramp (for the times - this was in the early sixties). They took her dislike and disapproval out on me. Everything I did was 'the kind of trick your mother used to pull'. All my clothes were hand-me-downs, I wasn't allowed to join in on anything and was branded a liar from an early age (without merit, I might add). I always looked at the glass as being half full and was convinced that when I showed them how well I would do as an adult, they would love me. I married and kept a spotless apartment, invited them in for visits which never happened. Or they would say they were coming and call at the last minute with some excuse. I would find out later that they'd gone somewhere else. I often sat crying at a beautifully set table, wondering what was so wrong with me. They extended the same treatment to my two beautiful boys. I'm now in my fifties, have yet to have these people visit. I don't visit them anymore - its been years. I've disabused myself of the notion that ANYTHING I might ever do would impress them and have resigned myself to the fact that they lay in wait sixty miles away, hoping to hear something bad so they can add that to their repertoire of stories about me. I have made mistakes in my lifetime but none any worse than any of them have ever made. BTW, I've found my mother and she turned around and emotionally abused me for years. So much for that dream. Now, I revel in my sons and my beautiful grandchildren. They're all I need. I wish I'd come to this point decades ago.
hewmen hewmen
1 Response Apr 3, 2011

I feel your pain. But I don't even have my daughter to make up for it.