Black SheepI too am the Black Sheep of the family. It was not always that way. I admit I lived a chaotic life I guess due to my depression. I had my first son at 17 and his father was not providing for us. We finally broke up and I worked and raised my son alone with no support from no one. Actually the one good thing my mother did was help me raise him.
Well, it is 40 yrs later and I have another son 17 without the father. I raised him also alone with not much help as my mother has passed. In this time my older son married and has become very successful. Two years into his marriage I was hospitalized from depression and he had to watch his brother for 10 days. He was furious at me and kept calling me to get out and get his brother.
When I finally got home we did not talk for a few months when he called to tell his younger brother that his wife was pregnant. As I was never invited to their house and they were not home I left a gift and card of congrats. Some time later I realized I was never invited to her baby shower or Christening. I saw the pics on facebook. I have tried to send cards and gifts only to have them sent back. When I go to my shopping area and see my son's in-laws they give me dirty looks. My brother was going to try to get us together but my son told him not any time soon.
Well, I live with severe guilt and regrets about raising my older son. I have written him letters of apology to no avail. He has two little girls now who I have never met. I try to deal with this emotional pain as I have my younger son to take care of. But most days the pain colors everything. The ironic thing is that all those years I raised my older son alone without his father he has since reunited with him like he was some kind of Hero ??? I hope to make some friends here who are going thru a similar crisis. Thank You
dixalydoo 56-60, F 2 Responses 1 Nov 2, 2011