Black Sheep

I too am the Black Sheep of the family. It was not always that way. I admit I lived a chaotic life I guess due to my depression. I had my first son at 17 and his father was not providing for us. We finally broke up and I worked and raised my son alone with no support from no one. Actually the one good thing my mother did was help me raise him.

Well, it is 40 yrs later and I have another son 17 without the father. I raised him also alone with not much help as my mother has passed. In this time my older son married and has become very successful. Two years into his marriage I was hospitalized from depression and he had to watch his brother for 10 days. He was furious at me and kept calling me to get out and get his brother.

When I finally got home we did not talk for a few months when he called to tell his younger brother that his wife was pregnant. As I was never invited to their house and they were not home I left a gift and card of congrats. Some time later I realized I was never invited to her baby shower or Christening. I saw the pics on facebook. I have tried to send cards and gifts only to have them sent back. When I go to my shopping area and see my son's in-laws they give me dirty looks.  My brother was going to try to get us together but my son told him not any time soon.

Well, I live with severe guilt and regrets about raising my older son. I have written him letters of apology to no avail. He has two little girls now who I have never met. I try to deal with this emotional pain as I have my younger son to take care of. But most days the pain colors everything. The ironic thing is that all those years I raised my older son alone without his father he has since reunited with him like he was some kind of Hero ???   I hope to make some friends here who are going thru a similar crisis. Thank You
dixalydoo dixalydoo
56-60, F
2 Responses Nov 2, 2011

This story is way too near my own. My daughter's father died when she was a senior in high school. Somehow it became my fault that she didn't get to know him. She doesn't remember that when she was about 4 1/2 I got some bug that I thought she should know her father. We only lived 8 blocks apart, but I had to force almost every contact. She doesn't remember all the times he didn't show up, cause he'd rather party with his friends. She doesn't remember when he slapped her because she told him I said she couldn't go with him (he just showed up at my door). She doesn't remember how terrified she was when he told her he was going to kidnap her. I did eventually cut off all contact, her well-being and safety came first; and to top it off he was telling her things behind my back that was causing problems between us. She was only 7. I went out of my way to not badmouth him to her; and there was a lot I could have said. After all, he was an alcoholic and drug addict. She doesn't remember that when she was 14, I asked her if she wanted to go see him. She didn't see the file at the courthouse, where warrant after warrant was issued for non-payment of child support. No, she believes what his friends told her, that I never allowed him to see her, he loved her and worried about her, etc. It makes me physically ill that the one person who matters in this world believes such horrible lies.

Hi CR, Yes it's like a kick in the pants when you know that your sincere in your heart about raising your kids then the other parent could care less, only to have that child honor the one who does not deserve.... I am really happy I came across this website. I am just learning to navigate around and hope that my replies are being sent. Also when someone writes me I hope I am adding them to my circle the correct way. Thanks CR

I am so sorry your son is treating you this way. Depression is not your fault and many times can be genetic. Its not fair of him to blame you and can imagine the hurt you feel not seeing your grandchildren. Maybe he is frightened it could happen to him as well?<br />
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I've raised two sons with no support and totally get the feeling of betrayal that he now has run to someone who could care less who he was a child. If you need to talk, please write to me...okay?

Thank you Dolly. My son Tom saw me live a chaotic life and suffered from it. I was not always there for him. However we lived on and off together till he 33 and I gave him what I could. After any conflict I always tried to smooth things over and would apologize or write letters of apology. When he met his wife they were in and out of my house without any say from me. I loved her and never had any words of discord with her. In fact I was in awe as she comes from a well todo family and showered him with gifts. Gifts that I could not compete with. Now 20/20 vision she got a birds eye view of my crazy life style and probrably tell her family. They had a fairy tale wedding and now have two girls 3 and 1. I see their pics on facebook and cry a river every time. Other family members get pics in mail and go to their parties but I am left out. Oh gosh it is depressing. thanks for listening I need not to dwell as today I must take care of myself. Thanks