Ok Here Goes

I know i am the black sheep, my story will blow your mind. it blows mine. I am one of 13 sisters and brothers, 10 are still alive. My Father sexually molested all of his daughters 7 total. my molestation started as early as i can remember, 3 to age 16. When i was 23 i had 2 years entensive therepy and decided to forgive my father, i had a sister who couldnt forgive him and it made her life a living hell, councler's milker her insurance dry. some 15 years later she was broke, and had uncountable alternate personalities. She tried to commit suercide and jumped off a 2 story balcony and lost her leggs, and then fianally her life to a overdose, so I decided to try for some kind of decent drama free life and chose to forgive him, and did. Dont get me wronge i love my family, i just dont know how to open to them. so many things has happened... My elder sister had Breast cancer at age 40, and didnt tell NONE of her other sisters to inform them the possability of them getting it, now some 18 years later and two sisters have come down with breast cancer, one is geting surgery on tuesday. did we find out the older one had it and didnt tell NO ONE!!! Why??? am I wronge to feel betrayed? why wouldnt she say anything??? Years can pass without her contacting me... even to say hello. and when we decide to have a family gettogether she is all of sudden lovey dovey with me.. "Ohhh i missed you so much" I hate the fake, but dont want to rock the boat ya know? Really no one contacts me.. everyone always says no one contacts them either and it dose seam to be like that sometimes, but ya know...when you know things arnt what they really seem, thats what i see..its on facebook... so and so is going to see so and so... so and so made a great dinner the other night. You dont say anything.. people have to live there lives the way they want.. but....i know i am gone all week every other week and what? no one dosent remember my number??? not all but most. there is still so many problems... the biggest problem im not sure i can share it. it hurts to much to talk about it. I think i need more strength and i dont know if i have that much. Thank you for listening. :) Maybe i can find the strength somewhere.
Barbara39 Barbara39
46-50, F
3 Responses May 25, 2012

There are support groups that can help. Please be aware that I lost my job, got divorced, lost my house, went through rehab, had my storage unit broken into, was cheated on by my "ex" girlfriend after my divorce, had my truck stolen, and I NEVER hear from my sibilings either. Please know that I care about you and hope that you can find people in your area that can help. STAY STRONG!

everything else. Your so right tho. My Father started the secrets and they continue today and likly tomorow to. I guess i have to find a way to realize that and move forward. ty so much for your response CRGenes.

Where there is abuse/addiction there are secrets. You grow up being taught to have secrets, that nothing is anyone's business but your own. Few ever give up having secrets. It has nothing to do with caring/love. In fact most are appalled when someone from the same family opens up - it just isn't done! The feelings of shame and betrayal may never be gone for them. With so many victims in the same family, I doubt that you're the only one who feels this way, just don't expect them to say anything.