Failure...that's What I Am And I Hope I Wont Get Worse

I've had self-esteem issues since I was a kid, comparison maybe a reason. All my life I think I'm the bad thing that came to my family, and even though they don't say it- it's obvious that I'm different from them. I didn't get any achievement as my sibling did, I go to a decent school my my grades are bad, like a C-D kinda grades, but I was the only one in my family to constantly have those kinds of grades. All these things are stressing me out, so now I wanna be free, I wanna let out of myself in a bit. I do this by coloring my hair bold colors to tell what I really feel inside, I don't smoke but I wanna drink badly- it'll cheer me up a bit. Even though I smile around my friends, it feels like I'm in my own prison, that I can't let myself get out, now I don't know how to let myself out. I wear really big, hooded sweater jackets- 'coz it makes me feel secured.


I usually reason myself that I'm different from them, I'm different 'coz I don't do well in school, I don't get them like they get each other, sometimes being different kills your psychological life, it makes you think all those things all the time and it affects your personality and daily doings.

cantbearit cantbearit
18-21, F
4 Responses Feb 11, 2010

O K ...big problem...you can't just up sticks and run away...so...you are going to have to work on these family members of yourshow you gonna do this...have you made any plans...eeeeessshhhh...do i sound like a schoolteacher???hee hee

ohh sorry thanks for the advice, i really wanna have a fresh start like new place, new school you know? but its impossible :p

ssoooo....no comment back...wazzup??...give me an update

I have just read your story and first off...stop being so hard on yourself...you are so involved in judging yourself harshly and worrying what the rest of your family are thinking of you, that you are creating the very set of circumstances that will keep you from being free...take a chill pill...if you feel stressed, go for a walk...look at the sky and see how big it is and think about just how small we all are and how teeny teeny our little problems are...start to understand that you may be different to to the others in your family, but hey, do you wanna be like them...or like you...embrace your differences...quietly and gently make them embrace who you are...go and be you...as long as that's not a serial killer hee hee