Ba Ba Blacksheep....

I don't really fit with my family. I love them, especially my mother, but I'm simply different. It's just my immediate family, as my other relatives live far away. Everyone in my family has a little redneck in them (including myself) and although it can be great to cut loose with them, they share no similar interest with me.

I like to read and write and create art. I devour knowledge (if it strikes my fancy) and I love learning about life and multiple cultures. I daydream, create story and painting ideas in my spare time, and have a warehouse of trivia in my head. I like weird and unusual (and sometimes creepy) things. I love English and History. Learning about the world outside of my hometown is basically an obsession. The idea of being trapped in the my hometown for the rest of my life terrifies me.

My family doesn't care about any of this. It's not that they're stupid, they just don't have any ambition to learn anything new. And it drives me crazy. Living with someone who looks at you like you're addled every time you say something out of the norm is very grating on the nerves. And it's impossible to have a conversation with people who know nothing about the subjects you bring up (and just stop listening when you try to inform them about something). Also when something is important to me, or I'm passionate about something, my parents never seem to take it seriously.

It's not that we don't have things in common. We  have the same senses of humor, we like many of the same foods, and me and my mom are very close. None the less, but it's just difficult knowing there's always a barrier between us. My parents are divorced. My mother likes shopping for clothes, reality TV, chilling at home on the couch, and watching movies with the family. She's a good mother, she takes care of me, always makes sure I have everything I need in life. She just  simply has no concerns with anything beyond the borders of our own lives. My father's always been distant, but we get along pretty well and like to cook together.  

I guess I'm just lonely. I only have a few friends (I have a bit of trouble making friends) but they're really good ones. Especially my best friend, who've I've known since third grade. I can talk to them about my idea, but it's not like I can monopolize their time. They have responsibilities (like caring for younger siblings, band, drum-line) so usually I can only get with them on weekends. Other than that I'm by myself a lot. My parents both work nights, long shifts. I have a brother but he's younger than me by three years and we don't hang out much.

It just frustrating never being able to relate to others and always being isolated. Sometimes I feel like a stranger on my own home. I'm just tired.    


RobinLark RobinLark
18-21, F
Feb 26, 2010